Why U.S. airport security loves me like they do

I have a special relationship with the U.S. Transportation Security Administration (TSA), the organization that creates policies to protect airport, train, and ship security. They love me. At least I thought they did.

In the 10 years of traveling between Southern California and Southern Ontario I’ve amassed a deck of luggage inspection notices from the U.S. government. This is how I know for certain.

By my math, TSA agents have checked my suitcases and rifled my undergarments upwards of 40 times. Occasionally I staple the leaflets into a daisy pattern, draw a happy face, and leave the paper flower in my bag. I appreciate the fact that workers pawed my belongings in order to protect air travelers – including me – and, sarcasm aside, I recognize I must act responsibly.

It’s no secret the TSA has a big and important job. It screens 660 million passengers and two billion carry-on and checked bags annually and manages to do the majority without the need of a physical search (according to information on its website). Agency spokesman Ross Feinstein told the New York Post that roughly five percent of checked bags are opened during screening.

Specifically: “TSA may use a variety of screening processes, including random screening, regardless of whether an alarm is triggered.”

Believe it or not, I had convinced myself my bags just happened to be randomly selected for a search 90% of the time I traveled. That it was random when I was frequently asked to step to one side of the airport security line for a pat down by a TSA officer. The truth is it’s offensive and insulting. As well as creepy. And I can’t lie to myself any longer. I have been profiled.

When did I wake up? Just last week after I returned from California with a quartet of TSA inspection notices. The papers caught my attention because during two flights, one suitcase held a pair of trousers and a couple of blouses and it was flat. The other bag carried a small floral fabric backpack.

The TSA places an official Notice of Baggage Inspection in travelers’ bags after checking the contents. The leaflet states, in part: “To protect you and your fellow passengers, the TSA is required by law to inspect all checked baggage. As part of this process, some bags are opened and physically inspected. Your bag was among those selected for physical inspection. During the inspection, your bag and its contents may have been searched for prohibited items…”

There were no prohibited items in either of my bags, as per TSA regulations. No replica explosives; no recreational flavoured oxygen; no hand grenades; no blasting caps or bleach; no airbags or turpentine. I never carry an electric toothbrush that might vibrate and freak inspectors out. No ticking egg timers. Occasionally I pack maple syrup but not this time.

The point is that clearly the contents didn’t trigger the alarm. C’est moi. On paper I fit a profile. A dark-skinned Muslim with a Middle Eastern-sounding-name. It’s also possible that TSA agents look at my birthplace (England), my citizenship (Canadian) and my residence (U.S./Canada), and get suspicious. But I doubt it. My misdemeanor is Flying While Muslim. The TSA thinks I’m carrying explosives. That I’ve corresponded with ISIS and Al Qaeda.

This week Zarqa Nawaz, creator of the TV show Little Mosque on the Prairie, told the Toronto Star that, in spite of being Muslim she’s never met a terrorist or a parent who has threatened their daughter with an honour killing. My experience is exactly the same. To that I’ll add that I’ve never met a Muslim with extremist views.

But now I know the TSA doesn’t heart me. It’s afraid of me. (So is Donald Trump. But that’s another story.) What troubles me is, if the TSA is eyeballing ordinary middle-aged moms like me, who is looking for the bad guys?

The counter-terrorism measures at airports that began as a reaction to 9/11 and the shoe bomber aren’t actually working. That’s not my opinion, that’s according to the Department of Homeland Security.

TSA got a failing grade

It’s alarming how raggedly the TSA has done its job.

When the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) ran an internal investigation of the TSA, it uncovered security failures at a bunch of the country’s busiest airports. The DHS smuggled banned weapons and fake explosives through checkpoints in 95% of its trials.

Their report released the summer of 2015 determined that TSA agents failed 67 of 70 tests.

In my humble opinion, the TSA needs more sophisticated screening methods and they’re not looking for the right signals. A suggestion, they should consider developing behavioural models that aren’t connected with last names or the colour of a person’s skin.

The Office of the Inspector General gave the TSA an action plan with a deadline of March and told it to re-train security officers, continue covert testing, and increase manual screening.

I’ve experienced my share of manual screening. When my 8-year-old was an infant an overly zealous TSA agent pawed his diaper.

A two-month-old threat

Here’s how it went down. The TSA officer asked me to raise my blouse. I was mystified but obliged. You have no choice. She checked my chest and my thighs. “I’m going to run my hands along your waistband, ma’am, from front to back. I’m going to check your baby.” Weeks after giving birth, my stomach blobbed over my jeans. I dangled my two-month-old in front of me. Travelers ogled my gut.

To my luck, Joan Rivers was clattering loudly with a friend in the neighbouring security line, and diverted attention from me. The LAX crowd was riveted.

Obviously my infant son and I looked suspicious or threatening because when I got to my parents’ home in Toronto that night, I found two TSA baggage inspection notices in our luggage.

I don’t want to imagine what my son’s experiences will be like when he gets older and travels by himself. I know the TSA will profile him just as they’ve done with me. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.