A woman on TikTok has shared a restaurant server job posting she came across online that literally stopped her in her tracks.
According to Abbey (@.desertrat), the job posting was for a restaurant server, which is a job she knows well since she works as one herself. But while the description starts off normal, with the employer seeking a reliable server for a “fun and fast-paced” bar/restaurant that can be cool under pressure, it goes off the rails pretty quickly.
After a brief synopsis of the job, the ad includes a seemingly never-ending list of things the owner definitely doesn’t want in a potential applicant.
“Please do not apply if you … have no sense of humor or can’t handle skillful sarcasm, have no alarm clock, oversleep, have a cell phone battery that dies constantly — preventing you from contacting us, have to give friends rides to work later than we start work, call in sick with an excuse because you partied too hard the night before your shift, experience flat tires EVERY week and suddenly become deathly ill on Coachella and Spac House weekends,” it begins.
But that’s not all.
The ad also warns that servers will not last in this job if they intend to “score points” with cute patrons by giving away free drinks and food on the house. And they certainly won’t be believed if they call out because their grandma “poisoned” them again with her homemade ham.
The list of “warnings” is so highly specific that it’s clear the restaurant owner either just fired the worst employee ever or that all of these excuses are a combination of the many whoppers they’ve heard over the years. Either way, there’s definitely a story here.
“It sounds like that employer has heard every single one of those excuses and has a bit of trauma,” one commenter wrote.
“100%,” Abbey replied.
Believe it or not, though, the ad didn’t end things there.
Other off-limits excuses included needing weekends off because your favorite roller derby had made it to the finals, “accidentally” getting on a plane to Vegas when you were scheduled to work and having a headache after going to too many garage sales.
Other classics? “You woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it,” and “you’ve locked yourself in the house by mistake, and there are no windows to crawl out of.”
To put an even finer point on things, the ad concludes by noting that “big egos, grumpy introverts, reactive and bad attitudes and individuals unable to accept the fact that YOU GET PAID TO WORK need not apply.”
Despite describing the elaborate post, Abbey does seem to get a kick out of the humor in it and says that it literally made her day. Judging by the comments, a lot of other TikTokers found it hilarious, too.
“Hire me… I have so many tier 5 excuses,” one person joked.
“Actually sounds like a great job if you’re not a pos and can show up and actually work,” added someone else.
Others pointed out that this sort of thing has definitely become an issue.
“It is the norm in restaurants as my daughter has been in the industry for 10 years,” one TikToker wrote. “I hear this crap everyday. Sounds unrealistic but is the reality.”
At the end of the day, a lot of people felt that the owner was just being honest, even if he sounded seriously bitter.
“I have to give it to the guy,” one person commented. “He cuts to the chase.”
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