Trevor Noah: ‘Trump is like one of those guys who never stops trying to get back with his ex’

Trevor Noah

Trevor Noah dug into the latest Trump scandal, which originated with Elon Musk’s release of the so-called Twitter Files. The documents, which many conservatives hoped would prove that Twitter colluded with Democrats to censor news about Hunter Biden’s laptop during the 2020 election, “mostly just showed the Biden campaign asking Twitter to take down nude photos of Hunter Biden”, the Daily Show host explained on Monday evening. “So, yeah, sorry everyone – if you want to see naked people, you’ve got to go to every other website on the internet.”

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The files once again demonstrate how “there was no proof of a conspiracy to help defeat Donald Trump,” said Noah. “But you know who doesn’t care about any of that? Donald Trump.”

On Saturday, the former president posted on his own social media site, Truth Social: “A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations and articles, even those found in the Constitution.”

Related: Trevor Noah: ‘It’s 2022, how can you still be misinformed about Covid?’

“Yeah, that’s right. The Republican frontrunner for president of the United States wants to terminate the constitution because Twitter wouldn’t allow him to see Hunter Biden’s dick,” Noah laughed.

“Why is this still news? Can anyone tell me? Like why is this still a headline? ‘Donald Trump thinks this undermined the election’ – he thinks that about everything! However the math equation starts, his answer is always the same.”

“My man, 2020 is over,” Noah added. “You’ve got to move on. Trump is like one of those guys who never stops trying to get back with his ex.”

Still, “what a start to the Trump 2024 campaign,” he mused. “First he had dinner with Nazi lovers, now he’s calling to scrap the constitution, what’s next? Is he gonna give the Lincoln Memorial enormous boobs, and still the GOP is gonna come out like ‘well I personally would’ve gone with a tasteful B-cup, but I think President Trump’s heart is in the right place.’”

Stephen Colbert

On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert recapped his weekend at Joe Biden’s first state dinner, in honor of a visit from the French president, Emmanuel Macron. Specifically, he lamented missing the moment Alexandra Pelosi, daughter of Nancy, asked Biden about what foods America is best known for, to which Biden answered “hot dogs, ice cream and spaghetti”.

“Look, people like to talk about how old he is, and he is. But they never give him credit for having the palette of a four-year-old,” Colbert joked.

Colbert also blasted Trump’s “hissy fit” call to “terminate” the US constitution. “You dummy, you can’t terminate the constitution,” he said. “The constitution is America. You don’t see Macron running for president of France on a platform of outlawing threesomes.”

The “long, stupid story” up to Trump’s comments once again included Republican conspiracy theories around a cover-up of Hunter Biden. “Again with the Hunter Biden laptop! Give it a rest!” Colbert exclaimed. “You don’t hear anyone obsessing over the former president’s son’s laptop. And Eric’s got a good one – it’s made by Fisher-Price, and it can tell you what sound a cow makes.”

Seth Meyers

Trump “left no room for ambiguity by using the word termination”, said Seth Meyers on Late Night. “I mean, that’s pretty explicit. Republicans can’t say he misspoke, although I’m sure the Ted Cruzes of the world will try.

“I like when Trump tries to use what he thinks sound like sophisticated legal language and instead just sounds like an insane person,” he added of Trump’s Truth Social posts. “He thinks if he uses big words like ‘termination of all rules, regulations and articles’ everyone will think what he’s suggesting is legal. He sounds like a college sophomore in a Starbucks writing a screenplay for a sci-fi movie.”

As for the content of the posts themselves: “Yes, Trump wants the constitution terminated because Joe Biden’s campaign, which was not the government in 2020, asked Twitter to take down pics of Hunter Biden’s dong,” Meyers marveled. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think there’s a provision for that in the constitution. I don’t remember Alexander Hamilton ever writing in the Federalist papers that the constitution should be the law of the land ‘unless John Adams’s son posts a lithograph flyer of his genitals in Fanueil Hall’.”

Jimmy Kimmel

And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel also laughed at Trump’s Truth Social posts. “You know, not everyone is a stable enough genius to write down their intention to overthrow democracy in a social media post,” he said. “But he thinks the constitution is something that can be terminated, like it’s Meat Loaf on an episode of Celebrity Apprentice. It doesn’t go like that.”

The White House spokesman Andrew Bates said Trump’s comments were “anathema to the soul of our nation” in statement, “which would’ve been a sick burn if Trump had any idea what anathema means”, Kimmel joked.

“I feel like at this point, he might be competing against Kanye in a who’s crazier contest,” he added.