Tori Spelling recalls her vulnerability as a young Hollywood actress “trying to fit into a mold” in her latest Instagram throwback.
"I remember this cover look. Sleek short platinum hair and casual comfy loungewear worn seductively. Trying to look all grown up. Trying to let the world know I was more than just good girl Donna Martin," the Beverly Hills, 90210 star captioned the photo of herself at 22 during her time on the iconic television series from 1990 to 2000.
"An insecure young girl trying to fit in, in what she thought to be a secure world," the 47-year-old continued. "The look says it all. Do you like me? Am I sexy? We spend so much of our lives trying to fit into a mold. Trying to be what we think people want. I wish I could go back and tell her this...'Your perception of sexy is societies archaic nonsense. You know what’s sexy? Your strength! Your quirks. You at your silliest!' Guess it would’ve been a very different picture. And, it would have been effortless and adorably sexy."
Spelling added, "Don’t get me wrong. I like this picture. It’s beautiful. But, I look into the eyes and know what was really going on in my early 20’s brain. My 40’s brain still has moments of wanting to be liked and to hold onto sexy. The difference is, now I can shrug it off and say F@ck it! I’m smart. I’m goofy. Deal with it."
Though Spelling played spunky, outgoing Martin on the teen soap opera (produced by her late father Aaron Spelling), the actress and mother-of-five wrestled with low self-esteem.
As she explained last year on Instagram, she has always been insecure about her appearance. “I used to hate my eyes,” she wrote. “When I started 90210 at 16 I was filled with low self confidence. Then, internet trolls (yep we had them back then too!) called me frog and bug-eyed. Being put under a microscope as a young girl in her formative years was hard. I spent years begging makeup artists on my shows and movies to please try to make my eyes look smaller. I would cry over my looks in the makeup trailer chair.”
However, posing for the Dec. 1997 cover of Rolling Stone to promote her film Scream 2, helped her appreciate her eyes. “They showed the emotion I was ‘feeling in my soul’ in that picture,” she wrote.
Spelling also shared that she only poses for photos from the side. “My choice. Because, a vulnerable innocent excited girl showed all of her face at 16 and was eaten alive,” she wrote. “...Our memories can’t remember physical pain but we do remember emotional, verbal, and written pain.”
Now a mother to son Liam, 13, daughter Stella, 12, daughter Hattie, 9, son Finn, 8 and son Beau, 3 with husband and actor Dean McDermott, Spelling has watched her children experience bullying.
Last year, she posted a throwback photo of her two eldest children explaining, “They have been [through] so much bullying I can no longer not share” at their respective schools, from which Spelling removed them for the sake of their mental health. “Was hesitant to post this [because] as celebs we are sometimes judged for having problems others have,” she wrote.
Read more from Yahoo Life:
Want lifestyle and wellness news delivered to your inbox? Sign up here for Yahoo Life’s newsletter.