Three chickens instead of a turkey: Ten ways to hack Christmas 2022

Christmas 2022 has lined up a special roster of Grinches. But don't be disheartened, there are ways to work around the challenges and give yourself and your loved ones a cheery, charming festive season. We've asked our experts to share their tips for everything from gifts to garnishes that are very, very achievable - even in current times.

Swap turkey for chicken

If one of all of 2022’s disasters is aimed squarely at Christmas dinner it’s this: bird flu. Thanks to this devastating disease - which is going to ruin far more than just dinner for many poultry farmers - there are going to be fewer turkeys than usual to go round.

So what to do if your turkey has vanished in a puff of avian influenza virus A(H5N1)? Do check the My Local Farm Box website (mylocalfarmbox.co.uk) - they’d love to help if they can and goodness knows right now we need to help farmers.

No luck? Buy a chicken. Or two chickens. Or if you are a really big crowd, three chickens. A great platter of birds has all the joyously over-the-top Tudor feast, bacchanalian joie-de-vivre you could possibly want.  

It’ll cook much more quickly than turkey (so you’ll be saving fuel too), goes with all the same trimmings, and honestly, once it’s on the plate will anyone care that it’s not turkey? Chicken is also brilliant the next day, and the day after that - crucial when you don’t know how many people are coming: train strikes having poured spectacularly cold water over most festive plans.

Dial up the sides on a sparkling table

Pull out all the stops for the table - if you don’t use the best china and linen napkins now, when will you? Polish the glasses - it makes the setting sparkle. And be a little lavish with the canapés: few of us can afford to give everyone a steak for Christmas Eve dinner but one small piece of fillet makes enough seared beef carpaccio for four. Truffled mayonnaise, anyone? Mix a teaspoonful of Marmite Truffle (£4.50 from Sainsburys) with 2 tbsp mayo, thin to a pouring consistency and trickle artistically on each plate.

On to the main course, and make the meat go further by dialling up the sides: the pigs in blankets, the sprouts with bacon, the sausagemeat stuffing - let’s face it, the Christmas meal is as much about pork as it is about poultry. Don’t forget those sauces - bread and cranberry - which for many make an appearance just once a year, meaning they are even more vital to proceedings.

Save the day with roasties and chocs

As for roast potatoes: they are everyone’s favourite part, right? And they’re cheap as the chips they kind of are, so pile them high, tucking in bay leaves and rosemary sprigs to make a glorious golden pyramid. Vegetables too - carrots, watercress and (crucial to my Christmas) a big dish of Jerusalem artichoke dauphinoise all look better heaped up (use a smaller bowl if necessary) and save leftovers for Boxing Day hash.

To finish, forget expensive chocolates which only lead to disappointment when someone pinches all the hazelnut praline - and don’t get me started on people who broach the bottom layer before the top is finished. Make chocolate bark instead, melting big slabs of milk, dark or white and spreading it thickly on baking parchment. Trickle over melted white chocolate, or that delicious caramel “blonde” chocolate,  and marble through with the tip of a knife. Scatter thickly with toasted nuts, raisins, marshmallows, and Smarties - or make a minty version with crushed Glacier Mints and gold cake decorations balls. Leave to set somewhere cool (that’s pretty much everywhere in my house right now) and cut into squares with a sharp knife. Store in an airtight box.

Post your cards and gifts early

For once, “it’s lost in the post” will be a cast-iron excuse for forgotten gifts, as Royal Mail workers are striking for much of the run up to Christmas. No cards or parcels will be delivered on December 9, 11, 14, 15, 23 and Christmas Eve, unless they have been sent by special delivery. Best exchange presents in person, then. Unless your travel plans have been ruined by the train strikes. We have got through worse, though. Remember Christmas 2020 and scenes of families meeting on the side of motorways to exchange gifts between lockdown tiers?

This is the creativity we need to employ to navigate this year’s Strikemas. The first rule is to order gifts and post them far earlier than usual. The final dates for postage have been brought forward: December 12 for 2nd class and December 16 for 1st class. If you leave it too late, you will need to splash out on special delivery - although even that isn’t guaranteed - or else employ Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen.

Choose presents with a twist

Alternatively, come up with a gift that will bypass the Christmas postal chaos entirely. Consider contacting an independent shop that is local to your recipient and might be able to deliver directly. The present will be more likely to make it there by the big day, plus, you get the added smugness of having ditched Argos/Amazon and shopped local.

If you don’t know where to look, try Trouva, which allows you to shop from independent bricks-and-mortar boutiques online. It is a treasure trove of inspiration and offers click and collect.

Or opt for an “experience” gift, like a meal out, night away, an afternoon tea or a theatre trip. A gift card may feel like a cop-out. But the National Art Pass, which gives entry to museums, art galleries and historic houses across the UK, plus half price on exhibitions, is a gift that will keep on giving.

Household budgets have been squeezed this year, too, so wining and dining may not be an option. But it truly is the thought that counts, and so homemade gifts are just as meaningful. You don’t even have to be good at crafts; few people would be disappointed by homemade sloe gin or gingerbread.

Kick Christmas into January

If the schmaltzy holiday movies are anything to go by (and they are, as far as we’re concerned) then the true meaning of Christmas is family, friends, giving, sharing, and defeating incompetent burglars while home alone. The problem, then, is how to do the above (except, possibly, the burglars bit) when the odds are stacked against you?

This year it won’t be Covid that keeps us apart, but the trains - or the lack thereof. With rail strikes planned between Christmas Eve and December 27, the itineraries of many families dangle in the balance.

On the face of it, the options aren’t appealing. Those with private transport could take to the traffic-clogged roads. Failing that, you could risk it all on a series of rail replacement buses, which are fine as long as you’re happy for your journey from London to Manchester to take you via Swansea and to last at least four days.

Alternatively, you could pluck up some British can-do spirit and get creative about how to see your family come hell, high water or the cancellation of your East Coast Main Line service. You could, if circumstances allow, make Christmas a moveable feast and celebrate it early. Those of us whose Christmas Day was wiped out by Omicron last year are pleased to report that chestnut stuffing tastes just as good on the days before and after December 25. Book your train early this year to avoid disappointment.

Consider carpooling

Or, if you don’t own a car, tap up a friend or neighbour who does. Perhaps they’re travelling in roughly the same direction at a roughly similar time as you had hoped to? If you split the fuel cost and share a ride, your only remaining worry will be whether your designated driver has a penchant for Chris Rea.

If you can’t find a driver, or can’t fit your three children, one Golden Retriever and 264 unwieldy gifts in their car, consider changing the location of your family Christmas to somewhere more mutually (in)convenient. Can’t reach Dundee from Ipswich this year? Have you checked the National Express services to York? It’s (sort of) halfway between the two, and you might just find a good deal on a hotel or holiday let if you’re quick.

Or there’s always Zoom

Finally, if all else fails, take a leaf out of 2020’s playbook and make a video of your children to send to your parents. If you can bear to, beam the grandparents in via Zoom for the present unwrapping session. It’s very “mid-pandemic”, and therefore could be triggering, but desperate times and all that.

The obvious drawback is virtual meet-ups can never recreate the joy of being in the room together. The benefit is, if the grandchildren aren’t in the room, the room will not be destroyed.

Try these cost of living twinkle hacks

The paperchain is the standout decorating trend for Christmas 2022 - it’s a cost-effective way of adding colour and personality to your home, with the added benefit of requiring minimal crafting skill. Use strips of wrapping paper, coloured craft paper or, if you have them, wallpaper samples, to make an easy, standout decoration for your tree, and is far cheaper than buying baubles.

See also bows, which you can tie directly on to branches, or pre-tie and attach with wire. To tie a perfect ‘bunny ears’ bow, take a piece of ribbon and make two loops (or ‘ears’), leaving a tail of ribbon at each end. Make a cross with the bunny ears, wrap the top one behind, pull it through the bottom loop and pull tight to form a bow. A few large bows made from extra-wide ribbon and attached to the mantelpiece or tied around dining-chair spindles continues the theme.

If you happen to have a surfeit of baubles, they don’t have to be hung from the tree: pile them up in a glass bowl and place it on a table or shelf, or scatter them along a mantelpiece with a few tea lights (as a rule of thumb, groups of three baubles of different sizes look best).

And talking of lights, to maximise the effect of fairy lights, without having to buy more (and spend more on bills), try hanging them around a mirror for double the twinkle. To save further on energy, invest in a timer switch so that you don’t accidentally leave them on all day or all night.

Decorating one’s front windows became a trend during the lockdowns, and this can be a good way of getting children and grandchildren involved. Simple white cut-paper decorations such as snowflakes (stuck to the insides of windows with dots of white tack) can look effective, or try cutting out Christmas-tree shapes in different sizes and creating a little alpine forest-scape along the bottom of your windows.

Easy-to-make wreaths

Any evergreen foliage can be snipped from the garden and used to make a wreath, for the door or as a table centrepiece - bay and rosemary add fragrance as well as texture, and you can bump up the volume with clippings of spruce or fir from your real Christmas tree (or ask for offcuts at Christmas tree markets). You’ll need a wreath ring from a previous year’s wreath, or buy an inexpensive one online - look for one already covered with natural moss to help keep your wreath fresh for longer.

To make the wreath, arrange your foliage into little bundles, tie some garden twine to your wreath ring, then hold a foliage bundle against the wreath at about a 45-degree angle and wrap the twine around it a couple of times to secure it to the ring. Repeat with the remaining bundles anticlockwise, covering the ends of the previous bundle as you go, and finish by tying the twine to the ring and cutting off. Decorate by attaching pine cones with floristry wire, and a bow at the top or bottom. (For a simple, step-by-step guide to making an evergreen wreath, head over to the Telegraph Live YouTube channel.)