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"She Started Doing This": People Share Things Their Partner Did That Gave Away They Were Cheating

Having trust in a relationship of any kind — but especially a romantic one — is major, so it's always really sad and unfortunate when someone breaks that trust and cheats. People who have experienced a partner being unfaithful to them shared the red flags that gave it away in this Reddit thread. Here is what some people had to say.

a couple having an argument

Note: Some responses have been edited and/or clarity.

Witthaya Prasongsin / Getty Images

1."I showed up at her house to surprise her after work but to my surprise a guy answered the door. Turns out he was her fiancé who was working abroad and had decided to come home early to surprise her also. I had no idea she was engaged."

u/Rotmap91

2."She started spending a lot of time at her ‘cousins’ house. It seemed obvious she was secretly meeting up with a dude and using the cousin as a cover story so I checked her phone and was shocked to find I was wrong. She was just banging her cousin."

u/StrangledByTheAux

3."The phone bill showed she was texting this other number 600 times a month. It looked familiar so I dialed it — it was a buddy of mine."

person looking at bill
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4."Her side piece got tired of her telling him she'd leave me and her not doing it so he contacted me himself and told me."

u/punkinabox

5."The old 'working late' chestnut, blowing hot and cold, encouraging me to go out with the boys, then coming home early and finding her sleeping with someone confirmed my suspicions."

u/OkTie333

6."She had been having an emotional affair with a guy from work but said she wasn't talking to him anymore. We were on a road trip, she was driving, and I was using her phone for GPS since mine was messed up. She got a text from a phone number about seeing her tomorrow. She tried to play it off like it was a wrong number but I recognized it was his and called her out on it. A few days later, on the advice of multiple friends, I went to our cell phone company and got a copy of her call logs. She'd been calling him many times over weeks (not to mention how many times he called her). It was always when she'd 'go on walks' by herself at night because she 'likes the quiet alone time.' Yeah, and the selfies she had on her phone of her looking sexy in a bikini or laying on the bed were just because she liked how she looked. I can't believe how stupid I was to believe that lying cheater."

u/rhett342

7."She dropped weight, started hiding her phone, and started avoiding intimacy."

couple in bed angry
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8."She was really hot then cold, she'd ignore me for days then all of a sudden want to be with me nonstop, then after a while, she'd ghost again. I thought she just needed some alone time after we spent so long together, which I understand and appreciated, but I later found out that she would start to be distant when she made contact with someone else, then have this hyper fixated mini relationship with them, usually culminating with her cheating. Then she'd come back and be all over me, I suspect out of guilt."

u/thrownededawayed

9."They would treat me like shit than would suddenly be sweet and interested in my day. Their phone was always facing down and they hated when I would hold it for any reason. They never wanted sex. They'd be in the bathroom for an absurdly long time — there’s a lot more. When you’ve been cheated on as many times as I have, it’s like learning another language."

u/ValuableEggplant723

10."The last guy to cheat on me, I remember the first sign vividly. We were out bowling with friends, he had been on his phone more than usual, and then I saw it, he smiled at his phone. Not in the 'haha my friends are funny' kind of way, you know the smile. I got that awful feeling in my chest. After he denied anything going on, I went on his phone while he was asleep (I'm not proud of it) I saw the messages, I had met the girl that night too."

couple in bed. man on phone while woman sleeps
Sutthichai Supapornpasupad / Getty Images

11."The big ass hickey she had on her neck that our coworkers noticed. Our coworkers were joking around about the kind of weekend we had. The problem was that I didn't give her a hickey. She didn't even deny it when I confronted her about it. To add the hell cherry on this crap sundae, all of this happened on Valentine's Day. It's why I hate that holiday."

u/howto1012020

12."Meeting her boyfriend gave it away for me. Apparently, I was the side piece the whole time. She was the first girl I really fell for and she absolutely crushed me.

u/Fragrant-Loan-1580

13."He was crazy jealous and made up rules that only applied to me but not him — I couldn't have a lock on my phone, wasn't allowed to have Snapchat, I always had to share my location, etc). I'm not a jealous person so I never snooped, and I ended up finding out by complete accident."

couple in bed together
Klebercordeiro / Getty Images/iStockphoto

14."Less sex was happening and she blamed it on meds. She constantly reassured me and I didn’t pressure her. After like two months without sex I mentioned maybe bringing it up to her doctor and she said she would. She slowly became less affectionate to the point where she seemed repulsed, but she kept reassuring me. It took me taking her out to a nice lavish dinner only for her to get straight to bed and go on Candy Crush when we got home for me to finally snap."

"I waited until she went asleep, looked through her phone, and got what I needed. She still denied and reassured me even in the face of evidence to the contrary. A week later she told me that she had fallen out of love and hadn’t loved me for 'months.' But she never made me the wiser. Still icing that wound. 2.5+ year relationship. I’ve learned in the future that if a relationship doesn’t work for me, I don’t need to justify it or expend energy trying to fix it. Sometimes it just stops working for me and I need to nut up and cut the losses. You think you can trust someone."

u/StayFrostyOscarMike

Have you ever been cheated on? How did you find out? If you feel comfortable, share your story with me in the comments below.