Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic Amber Portwood
Amber Portwood's fight to mend the relationship between her and daughter Leah continues.
During Tuesday's episode of Teen Mom OG, the reality TV star, 31, revealed that she hasn't spoken to or seen her estranged daughter in a "couple of months" but hopes to smooth things over in a letter.
"I feel like I'm never going to win," Amber, who shares 12-year-old daughter Leah with ex Gary Shirley, told a producer. "I want us to have a great coparenting family that I thought we had until it became weird. All of a sudden Leah started acting weird and turning on me.
"Leah's my daughter," she added. "This is not her. She does not ignore me like this. Even if I take responsibility for every wrongdoing I've ever done, it just feels like it's never enough. All I can say is sorry and try to move forward. I can't sit here and have her think things that aren't true about me because I'm her mother."
After the producer asked how she plans to get through to Leah, Amber said she's come up with a possible solution.
"I've written a letter to her explaining how much I want our real relationship back that we used to have," she said. "I'll record it for her to see."
Later in the episode, Gary and his wife, Kristina, sat Leah down and told her that Amber had a message for her.
"Your mom messaged me saying, 'I'm going to send you a video for Leah to watch,' " Gary told his daughter.
"Can we watch it together?" Leah asked.
"To my beautiful daughter," Amber said in the video, while fighting through tears. "I'm so proud of the young lady you've become. I know I've missed some very important times in your life. Times that a mother should not miss, while I was still trying to understand my own life. I am so sorry for the things I did that kept us apart. I never ever wanted to hurt you. I think about you every day. I will never stop trying to mend our relationship no matter what it takes. I will always love you. You are my heart no matter what."
"I don't know what to say," said Leah.
"It sounds like she's apologizing to you," Gary responded.
"I'm sure we had good memories, but I couldn't tell if the crying was fake so I really don't know what to think of it. I don't know if I can forgive her. Especially not now," Leah explained.
"Forgive her for what?" asked Gary.
"She was making videos and stuff, and I didn't like it," Leah said referring to a past Instagram video Amber recorded claiming Kristina is a "home wrecker." "Amber said bad stuff about Kristina."
"You can make bad decisions and still care about somebody," said Gary. "Your mom has made bad decisions. I've made bad decisions. You can still love and care about somebody even though you made bad decisions."
"But I love Kristina," said Leah.
"That has nothing to do with loving your mom," said Gary.
"There's room for all of us," added Kristina.
"What I will say is, your mom loves you," said Gary.
"But I love Kristina, and she tried to hurt somebody I love," Leah responded. "I can't love somebody who tried to hurt somebody I love."
"If your mom stops that kind of thing, and if she understands that's why you've distanced yourself, maybe that's something you tell her, maybe it's something I tell her," said Gary. "Something can't be fixed if we don't know the problem."
"Nobody tells her anything," said Leah. "I don't want it fixed."
"She shouldn't be doing the videos, I get it," said Gary. "But don't let that ruin your chances if you want something with her."
"I don't need that," added Leah.
At the beginning of the season, Amber said she was hurt by Leah's comments made last season. (The pre-teen said Amber "just birthed" her and then "left" her.)
"What she said about me was very hurtful," Amber told her mom.
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"Someone is in her ear," the MTV star added, referring to Gary and Kristina, as she fought through tears. "And it's not right."
Having a FaceTime session with her doctor during Tuesday's episode, Amber said she had been having a "rough week."
"I can't take away my past," said Amber, who has struggled with substance abuse and mental illness since Leah's birth. "I wouldn't be alive if I didn't make such decisions, and Leah hates me for it. I can't fault her for that. I just want her to love me again. I just want her to understand that everything I did was to be alive for her. It wasn't for anything else. If I wouldn't have went away .... I hate my f---ing mental illnesses. I'm just going to keep trying and reaching and praying."
Teen Mom OG airs Tuesdays (8 p.m. ET) on MTV.
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