Taylor Swift vs. MAGA? Trump toadies get mad and dumb over Time's new Person of the Year.

It appears Taylor Swift being named Time’s Person of the Year has upset the he-men, deep thinkers and cognoscenti in Donald Trump’s never-not-weird MAGA-verse.

The belief, it seems, is that the pop icon is not just a wildly successful artist who has built a business empire and is living her best life. No, in MAGA-land, such a thing is as impossible as female agency or President Joe Biden actually being president.

The theory – and you have to be fluent in stupid to understand this – is that Swift’s fame and power are part of a left-wing plan to activate her fan base and carry Democrats to victory in the 2024 presidential election. Swift is more a pawn of the mythical Deep State than, you know, a woman who has achieved remarkable success through hard work, talent and intelligence.

Time Magazine named Taylor Swift their Person of the Year for 2023.
Time Magazine named Taylor Swift their Person of the Year for 2023.

Taylor Swift 'psyop' is now apparently a thing among Trump fans

Trump fan-boy and alt-right conspiracy theorist Jack Posobiec shared a photo of the Time magazine's Person of the Year cover on social media and wrote: “The Taylor Swift girlboss psyop has been fully activated. From her hand-selected vaccine shill boyfriend to her DINK lifestyle to her upcoming 2024 voter operation for Democrats on abortion rights. It’s all coming.”

The “hand-selected vaccine shill boyfriend” is Kansas City Chiefs’ football player Travis Kelce, who recently did an add for vaccines that, here on normal-Earth, are a good thing.

Leaders in Trump's MAGA movement sure are scared of Taylor Swift

Not to be out-weirdoed, longtime Trump political adviser Stephen Miller, who suffers from debilitating Nosferatu-envy, posted this on social media: “What’s happening with Taylor Swift is not organic.”

Interesting. That really makes you not think.

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Jeffrey Clark, a former Justice Department official under Trump who has been charged in the former president's election interference case in Georgia, shared Posobiec's conspiracy theory on social media and added insult to all Swifties, writing: "This is what happens when we cede culture to the Left. Brainless youth raising themselves on Taylor Swift’s saccharine bland music and that washing over into the serious world of politics."

Will 'the left' weaponize Taylor Swift before the 2024 election? LOL. No.

A right-wing account on X, formerly known as Twitter, that has nearly 2 million followers posted: “Taylor Swift has a cult-like following that would drink poisoned Kool Aid for her. The media knows this and is feeding it. Music. Entertainment. Sports. Now they crowned her Person of the Year. The next step? Politics. If you don’t think the regime has plans to weaponize her just in time for 2024, you clearly have not been paying attention.”

Oh, shoot! They figured out our plan. Now what are we going to do to get more people to vote for Democrats? Run a candidate who didn’t try to overturn a free and fair election and doesn’t want to take abortion rights away from all women in America and won’t fill the federal government with pasty, unhinged ideologues like Miller who want to exact revenge and turn America into a white, Christian ethnostate?

That sounds hard!

Also, MAGA folks calling anything a cult is like water calling someone wet.

The MAGA-verse is an intellect-averse hive of conspiratorial weirdos

Another Trump-cuddling X user with nearly 400,000 followers concluded: “They’re only making Taylor Swift the Time Person of the Year to help Joe Biden get elected in 2024. ... The Deep State is planning to essentially have Taylor Swift run the Biden campaign going into the final days of the election.”

I just don’t know if Swift – who, as this story goes, is controlled by ... I’m gonna say a computer chip planted in her brain by Barack and Michelle Obama – and her legion of fans will be able to recover from these MAGA-led revelations.

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But it all makes perfect sense if you inhabit a world that has traded reality in for the broken-brained conspiracy theories of a poorly spray-tanned con artist whose facing more than 90 state and federal felony charges and started a cult so he could sell red hats. (Speaking of hats, imagine the AMAZING merchandise and music a Swift-run campaign would provide. Not to mention the admirable lack of fascism.)

Hold up, maybe this Taylor Swift conspiracy is what Democrats want!

Of course, the key to any good MAGA-induced nonsense tsunami is the inevitable counterconspiratorial wave, and we’re fortunate to have it thanks to right-wing podcaster Tim Pool, who on Wednesday posted: “trump supporters attacking Taylor swift is the psyop.” He reasoned that “they want maga influencers to start bashing her so she gets pushed full dem”

CURSES! Now our left-wing Swiftie plot for global domination has been twice busted!

MAGA vs. Swifties is, quite simply, not a fair fight

Look, I don’t honestly know what these assorted oddballs and hatemongers are really on about or why they feel so threatened by a strong, successful woman. That’s between them and the therapists they should really consider seeing.

Taylor Swift fans wait for the doors of Nilton Santos Olympic stadium to open for her Eras Tour concert amid a heat wave in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Saturday, Nov. 18, 2023. A 23-year-old Taylor Swift fan died at the singer's Eras Tour concert in Rio de Janeiro Friday night, according to a statement from the show's organizers in Brazil. (AP Photo/Silvia Izquierdo)

What I will say is this: Keep going, guys. I think MAGA lads vs. Taylor and the Swifties is just the battle America needs to sort itself out. You all keep attacking one of the most popular performers in the world. Keep belittling her and insinuating she’s being manipulated by left-wing forces. Keep suggesting her bazillions of fans are mere drones and not human beings who think and process hateful rhetoric and, most important, vote.

I’m pretty confident reality – actual reality, not your made-up one – will find a way to sort things out.

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Taylor Swift is Time's Person of the Year. Why is MAGA mad about it?