The playoffs aren’t yet in sight, but they’re getting close. Some teams are rallying, getting their houses in order for a postseason charge. Some … are not. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time once again to shine a spotlight on the best of the worst. This is the Sorry Six.
• We begin where we’ve begun these last few weeks, in Big D. Everything’s bigger in Texas, even the midseason collapses, and the Cowboys are in the midst of a beauty right now. They’ve averaged just over a touchdown a game in the last three games, and the only way they’re getting into the Super Bowl is through StubHub.
• The Dolphins are uglier than anything that’s ever been allowed out in public in Miami. With the rise of Central Florida, South Florida, and Florida Athletic, Miami might not even be the fifth-best football team in its own state.
• The Denver Broncos are flat-out terrible, yes, but they still lead the Oakland Raiders in the all-important snatched chains category, 2 to 0. It’s the little victories that keep a team going.
• The Jacksonville Jaguars are no longer a truly sorry team, but they gave us a nice little flashback of days gone by with a totally botched performance against Arizona. Key interceptions, clock mismanagement … it’s things like this, Jacksonville, that keep us from being able to trust you.
• Next up, the Kansas City Chiefs. Woooo, the Chiefs are the best team in the NFL! Wooo, Kareem Hunt and Tyreek Hill are the greatest offensive combo ever! Wooo, Alex Smith is a marginally competent quarterback! Thanks for making us all sound really stupid, KC.
• The Chicago Bears looked terrible against the Eagles on Sunday, losing 31-3, but let’s be generous here: the Bears could have looked terrible against ANYBODY. Mitchell Trubisky may well be the answer, but only if the question is, Who’ll help the Bears to a winning record in three years?
That’ll do it for this week. Congrats to the teams that made the list, and even more congrats to the teams that missed it. Enjoy Week 13, and remember: never be sorry.