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In my son’s honor, we must seek acceptance, understanding of transgender youth in SC

My son Grayson was a talented artist who was bright and sensitive. He was also transgender.

At 12 years old, Grayson (who went by a different name at the time) told me, “I think I’m meant to be a boy.” We took Grayson to a therapist, and it became increasingly clear that this was not a “phase.” Grayson was certain he was a boy – and because we loved him so much, we wanted to ensure he had all of the support, affirmation, and care that leading experts recommend for trans young people.

We had learned about the obstacles that trans youth commonly face, including high rates of discrimination, depression, and anxiety, and Grayson endured these hardships, too. According to the Trevor Project, 78% of transgender and non-binary youth report experiencing discrimination due to their gender identity. Meanwhile, multiple studies have shown the positive impact that supportive communities can have on LGBTQ young people.

So, Grayson chose his new name. He triumphantly cut his long, curly hair to something much shorter. I will never forget his jubilant smile when he saw his new haircut. He was so relieved to do something to make his appearance match who he knew he was on the inside.

When he was 13, he started his seventh-grade school year by explaining to his teachers that he was transitioning and asking them to use his new name and pronouns. He continued seeing a therapist and got involved in an LGBTQ youth support group.

He also took the courageous step of testifying before the South Carolina legislature alongside me, urging our lawmakers to reject a policy to restrict restroom access for transgender people. He was so proud to share his story, and we breathed an enormous sigh of relief when the bill was defeated.

But the world is hard on trans youth, and discriminatory bills are destructive: 76% of LGBTQ youth reported that recent politics impacted their mental health or sense of self. This year, a relentless wave of anti-transgender proposals is flooding statehouses, including here in South Carolina. H3477 is a bill that would ban trans youth from playing school sports. It singles out an already vulnerable population and cruelly excludes them from a basic part of school: Participating on a team. The discussion alone about this bill and others like it nationwide is so damaging to our children and amounts to state-sponsored bullying.

I never stopped fighting to ensure that Grayson felt safe and accepted – but in 2018, we ran out of time. At 15 years old, Grayson died by suicide.

I tried to have enough hope for both of us, but that’s not how it works. Grayson would say, “Thank you for fighting for me.” And while I would do anything for my children, it shouldn’t have to be such a fight. Trans young people deserve to be supported, nurtured, and protected – because they are loved and just trying to live their happiest, fullest lives.

In Grayson’s honor, I continue to fight against anti-LGBTQ discrimination and stand up for inclusion for all. It’s why I’m joining hundreds in urging South Carolina lawmakers to reject H3477 and any efforts to discriminate against transgender people.

Grayson’s story is one of so much courage. Courage to be true to himself despite how hard it was, and courage to speak out for his needs and dreams. But his story also carries the message that we have a long way to go.

We are not even close to being there – this new rash of anti-trans bills underlines our many challenges – but we cannot give up. We must continue to move forward, share our stories, and open the hearts and minds of our friends, family, decision-makers, and neighbors. There’s simply too much at stake.

Danielle Driscoll lives in Columbia.