Thanks to the magical powers of the internet, the biggest bridezilla of 2018 has been found.
A bride’s list of ridiculous demands posted to her wedding party Facebook group has quickly gone viral after it was shared on Reddit.
The anonymous bride began her post by encouraging her wedding party to start saving their pennies for her 2019 wedding in Hawaii, and provides a strict dress code (by weight class) for her guests to follow.
“The dress code is very specific because it will be used to create an incredible visual effect,” she wrote. “If done right, it will make our synchronized dancing along the beach really pop.”
Oh good, a choreographed routine.
For the women between 100-160 pounds, guests are required to wear a green velvet sweater and Orange suede pants, perfect for Hawaiian temperatures. Also, they must wear a pair of Louboutin heels heels because “when we spin and lift our feet, the effect will amaze you” as well as a Burberry scarf. Women who weigh more than 160 pounds are required to wear all black sweater and pants with black heels.
For men under 200 pounds, a purple fuzzy jacket, soda hat and white trainers accessorized with glow sticks. For men over 200 pounds, a head-to-toe camouflage look with black sneakers.
The children at the event are required to wear red because “the kids will form the shape of a heart, it needs to be the true red not blood orange or some bullshit.”
Once the dance number is over, guests have been asked to change into an outfit valued at $1,000.
“Remember, the venue is extremely upscale and we want to be looking our BEST ladies and gents… If you look like trash, so will we,” she writes. “This wedding is 24K themed for a reason.”
The post received thousands of upvotes on Reddit 24 hours and was quickly shared to Facebook, where it allegedly caught the eye of the mastermind bridezilla.
“It has come to my attention that someone went all the way down in this groups creation to screenshot the dress code requirements,” she wrote in an update to her wedding party. “Knowing someone went behind my back and made fun of me is one of the worst feelings everywhere. And boy, you will be paying.”
The bride decided to take matters into her own hands and host a “Polygraph Party” to identify the snitch.
“You think I’m kidding? I’m not. We just bought a real polygraph test for $99 on Amazon,” she continued. “After the testing is over and we find the rat who did this, we will all celebrate with drinks and appetizers.”
After threatening to cut the culprit out of her life, she issued a solution to her family and friends unhappy with the dress code.
“You can come talk to me,” she said. “Instead of participating in the dance, you can help the crew clean up after dinner, volunteer to take videos of our dance, or even contribute to the honeymoon. Anything counts.”
Although unhappy with the internet trolls who have weighed in on her outlandish demands, the bride insists there’s meaning behind her request.
“My husband and I are certified spiritual healers with over ten years of experience…The expensive clothing represents the riches we wish to come,” she said. “The black and camouflage outfits represents the aura of the devil that we must shoo away. The soda hats represent our wishes for an abundance of life saving liquid.”
The bride writes that her beliefs are as valid as those practiced at an “Indian person’s wedding.”
“We met a psychic’s desensitization chamber over 12 years ago in Italy,” she adds. “Why not bring our traditions and beliefs into our wedding?”
The posts have received thousands of responses online, with Reddit users weighing in on the entire wedding/Sherlock Holmes debacle.
“Is the ‘incredible visual effect’ the bride is trying to create a seizure?” one person wrote.
“Maybe it’s like one of those 3D pictures you have to squint your eyes from a certain distance and a secret image appears in the chaos?” another added.
One user went so far as to give readers a visual aid regarding the guest’s clothing writing, “I had a hard time picturing this shit in my head so I made a very low effort paint mock-up.”
Could this be the workings of an internet troll? Perhaps. However, given some of the previous bridal party horror stories that have been making the rounds, it seems as though brides will demand anything to ensure their wedding day is picture perfect.