Paulina Porizkova shares vulnerable post about 'starting over': 'Every day I wake up crying'

Erin Donnelly
·2 min read
Paulina Porizkova opened up about her mental health struggles as she starts over in a new home. (Photo: John Parra/Getty Images for Sports Illustrated)
Paulina Porizkova opened up about her mental health struggles as she starts over in a new home. (Photo: John Parra/Getty Images for Sports Illustrated)

Thanks to social media, Paulina Porizkova has emerged as a mental health advocate of sorts who can always be counted on to speak candidly with followers about her headspace and what she’s processing, whether it’s depression, loneliness or grief over the 2019 death of husband Ric Ocasek.

Most recently, the supermodel has documented the emotional process of moving out of the New York City home she and Ocasek shared for 30 years, even after separating in 2017. The Cars rocker, with whom Porizkova shared two sons, died in the home last September.

While the 55-year-old has shared her excitement about signing a lease on a new apartment and embarking on the next phase of her life, the transition has also been overwhelming, especially given the added strains of the pandemic. In a vulnerable Instagram post shared on Monday, Porizkova opened up about the pain she’s feeling as she starts over.

“My apartment is empty but for an inflatable mattress and a folding chair — for now,” she writes of her recent move. “The symbolism is pretty heavy-handed here. I’m starting over. Some days are better than others. But every day I wake up crying. And that’s OK, I think. Pain propels me forward. It can be used. I’m like the cat that tries to outrun whatever is hurting them. I hurt so I have to move. For some people it’s the opposite: When in pain they freeze and shut down, waiting for it to stop.

“A lot of us are hurting right now,” she continued. “The knowledge that my neighbor may be hurting more, or for better reasons, makes me feel guilty to even dare to admit being in pain. So I smile. I carry on. But it doesn’t make me NOT feel it. We can feel pain and still know we are the lucky ones.”

She ended the post with the hashtags “#grateful #blessed #sad.”

Her post prompted messages of support from fans, many of whom thanked her for being honest about her struggles.

“Your candid statements may be helping others [through] their pain,” wrote one comment.

“Being able to reach others who feel likewise is such a blessing,” Porizkova responded.

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