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Omid Djalili: ‘I could've played a young Queen Elizabeth in The Crown'

<span>Photograph: Geraint Lewis/Rex/Shutterstock</span>
Photograph: Geraint Lewis/Rex/Shutterstock

The last show you loved

David Letterman’s My Next Guest Needs No Introduction (Netflix)– rather than putting the old guy out to pasture, they’re making use of his decades of experience and so much is revealed. When he challenged Kim Kardashian West on her visit to Trump’s White House? Her answer made me do an about turn on everything I thought of her. The episode with Dave Chappelle is one of the best interviews I’ve ever seen. I’m a bit annoyed, because he’s done exactly what I would do if I were ever to have an interview show.

The best performance you’ve seen on TV

Mine, when I scored against a robot goalkeeper on The One Show in April 2014. They brought out this contraption that neither Lionel Messi nor Cristiano Ronaldo could get the ball past. I was told if I hit the ball into a precise spot of the top left corner, there was a tiny chance it could go in. When I scored, I went bananas and properly lost it. It was the most unlikely thing: a bald, middle-aged bloke doing something two of the world’s greatest couldn’t. Afterwards, my wife asked me why I acted so inappropriately and said I should be embarrassed, but I think it’s the most underrated television moment in history.

Your favourite show when you were 10

Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons. At the beginning of every episode, the aliens would set out exactly how they planned to attack humankind. It seemed very gracious to me, that the bad guys would explain themselves first to give Earth some time to prepare. As a small child, it made me think life was fair, that when someone was going to wrong you they’d give you warning. Someone telling you they’re going to smash your face in? That made sense to me.

The show you wish you could guest star on

Love Island. I’d come on for five minutes in my swimming trunks as resident relationships adviser to the girls. I often watch and think someone needs to explain to them that the boys are all scared of emotions, which I shout at the TV. I think it could go viral, which is good, because what I have to say is of global significance. We’re a society that loves youth, but there’s a wisdom of age, too, which is dismissed.

‘I would go viral as a relationship adviser’ ... Love Island.
‘I would go viral as a relationship adviser’ ... Love Island. Photograph: ITV/REX/Shutterstock

Your TV guilty pleasure

Watching Match of the Day 2 on a Sunday night when I’ve already seen Match of the Day. It’s so stupid; I stay up late and sit through the whole thing just to watch the final bit called “2 Good 2 Bad” – where they pick four comedy moments from the football (two good, two bad) – just to see if it’ll make me laugh. It only occurred to me now that I should just record the show and fast-forward to that bit.

The show that should be cancelled

BBC Parliament. I’m surprised they allow cameras to film constantly. When you hear what they say, what else can you do but feel outraged? I wonder if we’d be happier if we just didn’t see what was happening. By the time it gets to prime minister’s questions, I find myself clinging on to my cat and drawing moustaches and horns on the backbenchers with a marker pen. For my own dignity, at least, the channel should be taken off air.

Your TV hidden gem

Run, Joe, Run, an American children’s show about a German shepherd that ran for two seasons in the 70s. This dog was due to be killed after being (falsely) accused of attacking his master, but instead escaped. I think the germ of my desire to be a comedian stemmed from there: my anti-establishment streak. This dog represented humanity to me, being under the yoke of authority’s control and having to fight for justice. This show created a template for my life to stand up for the oppressed. I’ve got that dog to thank for it.

The role you wish you had played

A young Queen Elizabeth II in The Crown. I have a similar sense of humour to the royals. Like them, I was raised in Kensington, exposed to the world in a very multicultural area. I heard the Queen does wicked impressions of African leaders at family gatherings. When they hear me doing the same, it’s just like being in front of their mama. And, of course, there’s all our other obvious similarities.

Omid Djalili hosts Winning Combination on weekdays at 3pm on ITV