On Wednesday's episode of his eponymous daytime talk show, Nick Cannon, the actor, 41, updated fans on how he's been feeling since the heartbreaking loss and shared his appreciation for everyone's kind words during a tough time for him and his family.
"People keep asking me how I'm doing I say, 'I'm vertical, I'm standing and you know that's a good start,'" Cannon shares. "A lot of people keep asking me like, 'Man why are you even at work?' Especially my family members, 'Boy you need to go sit down somewhere, you got too many jobs already. Allow yourself to just be yourself.' And I appreciate that, all of that advice and I know it comes from a place of care. But to me, this isn't work."
"Yesterday, it was a little easier than today because yesterday I was so laser-focused and even numb... I just knew I just had to get it done. Today, I'm a little torn. I'm a little confused. Because it's a hurting thing," he adds.
The daytime host, who shared his infant son with model Alyssa Scott, went on to thank his audience and fans for the "onslaught of love" since announcing the news.
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"It is brand new to me. So I'm dealing with it. So, thank you. Thank you. That's all I can say. I'm not used to all of this hugging and 'You okay?' I'm fine ... but of course, everyone knows that I'm not fine, but you guys are making me feel better," he says.
"It's just been an outpouring of love that is really unexpected. I didn't expect it from all over the world I really can't thank you guys enough," he adds. "When I'm talking about the guilt I don't want even make it about me like, but I say thank you from Alyssa, Zen's mom, and the rest of our family...She's making it, you know, five minutes at a time. But it's but those words really, the tweets, it's outstanding."
Courtesy nick cannon
The comedian went on to thank Scott for "being that strength and being that rock" amid the difficult time.
"[I'm sending] love to Alyssa, love to her extended family, love to each and every mother that has ever had to lose a child had to deal with a child with special needs," Cannon says. "I watched her growth...mothers are superheroes at every aspect, and I want to just take this time out to say she is doing well but continue to pray for her, continue to pray for our entire family. And we're gonna get through it."
Cannon revealed the devastating news of his son's death on his talk show, telling listeners Tuesday, "Today is a special one y'all for many reasons but it's not gonna be an easy one. I haven't even shared this with anybody, not even the crew. I had a very tough weekend."
Alyssa Scott/Instagram; Inset: Bruce Glikas/WireImage
He said that Zen, his youngest and seventh child, was taken to the doctor at two months old because of his enlarged head. Doctors found fluid in the baby's head and discovered a malignant tumor requiring brain surgery, Cannon said.
"He had this real interesting breathing and by the time he was two months old I noticed…he had this nice sized head, I called it a Cannon head. We didn't think anything of it, he had a normal Cannon head. But I wanted to take him to the doctor to get the breathing and the sinus thing checked out," Cannon said. "We thought it would be a routine process."
Zen later had surgery and was given a shunt to drain the fluid, which made Cannon and Scott feel "faithful and hopeful" at the time, but the infant began to encounter additional difficulties around Thanksgiving.
Cannon said he saw his son for the last time this past weekend.
"I didn't know how I was gonna handle today but I just really wanted to grieve with my family, people who love you. I didn't want to make it about any pageantry so I kind of went back and forth of what I should do but I was always taught, you go through it you grow through it, you keep pushing," he said. "I'm here to show that I can fight through this, I'm feeling it, I'm vulnerable, I'm open. this is a special show dedicated to my beautiful son Zen."
He also praised Scott for her strength while dealing with their son's health troubles, telling his listeners, "Zen's mom, Alyssa, was just the strongest woman I've ever seen."
He added, "Never had an argument, never was angry. Was emotional when she needed to be but always the best mom, and continues to be the best mom..."
Cannon is also dad to 5-month-old twins Zion Mixolydian and Zillion Heir, whom he shares with Abby De La Rosa; 11-month-old daughter Powerful Queen and son Golden, 4, whom he shares with Brittany Bell; and twins Moroccan and Monroe, 10, whom he shares with ex-wife Mariah Carey.