Ellen DeGeneres Is Funny And Candid In Her Return To The Comedy Stage, Talks About “Hard Time” She Had Following Talk Show Controversy

Regrets, she has a few. But then again, it’s not the end for Ellen DeGeneres.

Returning to the stage Wednesday night at Largo in Los Angeles, the former host of The Ellen DeGeneres Show was not afraid to address her clouded departure from her long-running show. A sold-out crowd of about 200 fans was supportive and eager to see her on the first night of her Ellen’s Last Stand…Up Tour.

More from Deadline

“I used to say that I didn’t care what other people thought of me and I realized…I said that at the height of my popularity,” DeGeneres said, prompting laughter. “It is such a waste of time to worry about what other people think…Right now I’m hoping you’re thinking, ‘This is marvelous, I’m so happy to be here.’ But you could be thinking, ‘Let’s see how this goes.’”

According to accounts in People and Rolling Stone, she said she was “kicked out of show business” for a second time for “being mean.” (The first time was when she was shut out and her sitcom was canceled after she came out as gay, DeGeneres noted.)

She added, ruefully, There’s no mean people in show business.”

DeGeneres joked that she would soon be ostracized a third time for being “old, mean, and gay.”

The most damaging incident to her career came in July 2020, when BuzzFeed News ran a story based on anonymous quotes from her talk show staffers. They complained of being penalized for taking medical leave, instances of racial micro-aggressions, and fear of retribution for raising complaints.

DeGeneres said that the perceptions created by those allegations destroyed her television persona. She announced the show’s end in May 2021.

“The hate went on for a long time and I would try to avoid looking at the news,” she recalled. “The ‘be kind’ girl wasn’t kind. That was the headline.”

DeGeneres said people started to think of her as a “one-dimensional character who gave stuff away and danced up steps.”

She then added, per Rolling Stone, “I’m giving stuff away…and I danced, then I was mean and they didn’t like me again. It’s been such a toll on my ego and my self-esteem. There’s such extremes in this business, people either love you and idolize you or they hate you, and those people somehow are louder.”

During a Q&A sessions for fans in the audience, DeGeneres admitted she had a hard time in the aftermath.

“No… It’s hard to dance when you’re crying,” she said, noting that she “had a hard time” and “didn’t get out” amid the scandal. That “funk” started to damage her relationship with Portia de Rossi. “She was watching it happen to me… she went through it with me,” she said of her wife of 16 years.

“I’m making jokes about what happened to me, but it was devastating,” she said. “It took a long time for me to want to do anything again.”

DeGeneres said that she “hated the way the show ended” because she “loved that show so much.”

Still, DeGeneres is getting back up. She revealed during the show that she has a new Netflix special to be taped this fall.

Best of Deadline

Sign up for Deadline's Newsletter. For the latest news, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.