Meet The Boob Tape That Survived My Under-Boob Sweat

·6 min read

What is a hot girl summer but an amalgamation of under-boob sweat, complicated crop tops, and impractical backless dresses? These anti-bra silhouettes are a direct result of the fashion industry’s infatuation with slender, small-breasted bodies — which, in turn, fuels a market for gravity-defying, sticky strips of gauze that many of us know as “boob tape.” Although I lost hope in those flimsy adhesive bands long ago, my faith was restored by the shade-inclusive accessory brand Nue.

Just like me, Nue believes those of us with gravity-obeying breasts, diamond-grade nipples, ample-size bosoms, etc., deserve to ditch the brassieres just as much as high-fashion models. The packaging of its $15 invention A Boob Job in a Box promises better-fitting strapless and backless tops and dresses. Seeing how warm-weather season is upon us, I found it absolutely serendipitous that the brand offered to send me A Boob Job in a Box and its new travel-friendly Boob Job on the Go to sample. And sample I did. Read on as I detail my intensive boob-tape test: walking 14,500 steps (approximately 5 miles) around Manhattan on an 85-degree day in an anti-bra dress, below.

Boob Job On The Go (Medium), $15

This tape is surprisingly sticky and stayed in place all day for me! I am a 32DDD so that’s impressive.

Ballinforever, free people on-site reviewer

The Tape

According to its on-site description and my experience, Nue’s products — Boob Job in a Box and Boob Job on the Go — are waterproof, sweat-proof, and outfit-proof. Both hypoallergenic and latex-free tapes are available in four skin-tone colorways: Light, Light-Medium, Medium, and Dark. If you’re looking for maximum customization, go for the Boob Job in a Box, which features a single 16.5-foot roll. For quick, easy-to-use tape, the On the Go bag and its nine precut, multi-length strips are recommended, especially for travel. No scissors required!

A Boob Job In A Box (Dark), $25

The tape did not stick to the scissors, snag, or get irreparably stuck together when the sticky side accidentally connected.

alexandra polk

My Boobs & Sweat Status

Listen, I’ll be the first to admit that I am not the be-all and end-all of boob tape testers. I fit the aforementioned slender body type, and my breasts are between a 34C to D depending on where you buy bras. The first saving grace is that my boobs are not archetypal per America’s beauty standards. I can only assume the pair has unsettled beef, as they like to stay as far away from each other as possible — they jet outward toward my armpits when left to their own devices. They also hang loose, and I *flashes self in the mirror to make sure* would never describe them as “perky.” All the while, I love them unconditionally.

Second, what I lack in boobiness I make up for in hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating). After years of being the sweatiest girl on the volleyball court, that person reapplying deodorant in between college lectures, and the invitee arriving to summer work events in damp attire, I can say, with confidence, my sweat glands don’t mess around. I’m not necessarily proud, just at peace with my pores.

The Application

I used to frantically apply duct tape to my chest before a night out, so this application was a breeze. There are many methods in which you can utilize boob tape. I chose to swaddle each with one piece of tape in a crisscross formation on top of my chest. I used the Boob Job in a Box because I had scissors on hand — the tape did not stick to the scissors, snag, or get irreparably stuck together when the sticky side accidentally connected. The adhesive also left room for human error: If I wasn’t satisfied with my placement, I could peel it off and adjust without losing any clinginess. Not only that, but the shade is akin to my skin tone, which will come in handy with sheer tops.

DashDividers_1_500x100

The Experience

Singer-songwriter Tove Lo once eloquently stated in her pop hit “Disco Tits,” “I’m sweatin’ from head to toe. I’m wet through all my clothes. I’m fully charged, nipples are hard — ready to go.” This almost too accurately describes my day out on the town. I forgot to mention that my nipples are hard probably 12 out of 24 hours of the day (should I see a doctor?), and although they were still a tad visible, the tape did a good job at keeping them at bay without discomfort. There’s a softness to each strip’s edges that won’t stab the side of your breasts, which is a major selling point.

The perspiration commenced and Nue’s swaddlers stayed put?! I’ve never seen anything like it. Sure, duct tape was not made for human skin, but I’m accustomed to a one- to two-hour stickiness time slot (cut that in half if dancing is involved), and this endured five straight hours of city life. Droplets definitely pooled, but the onus is not on the tape; it’s on hyperhidrosis. And the tape did not give out after five hours; that was when I peeled it off myself upon returning home.

A Boob Job On The Go, $15

The Removal

We’ve established that I have a sticky past with duct tape, but the same goes for the “nude” peach-toned rolls offered at Target and drugstores. Duct tape removal, which usually takes place after giving up on application and finding a new outfit, is extremely painful for the epidermis. The drugstore options don’t necessarily hurt, but they also don’t do the job. Nue’s Boob Job in a Box peeled off with little resistance and caused a tickle rather than a rip. It was slightly holding on for dear life toward the sweaty under-boob area, but it was still locked in on my chest.

This boob tape is my summer 2022 safe haven.

alexandra polk

So, What’s The Tit Tea?

Plastic surgery is out, and Nue’s $15 to $25 boob jobs are IN. Jokes aside, these products are safe for the skin, inclusive, and worthwhile. I love putting cons in my reviews, but I’m grasping at straws here. One could say sustainability, but the brand even offers to recycle gently used bras for 15% off your next order. So, apologies for this rose-colored, 10/10 review, but this boob tape is my summer 2022 safe haven.

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