A man has discovered that one of his male friends, who is married, has feelings for one of his female friends, and he’s torn about what to do.
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The man turned to Reddit’s “Relationship Advice” forum to ask whether to tell his female friend about his male friend’s feelings. He explained that his female friend sees his male friend as a “brother,” and he worries the relationship could become complicated or uncomfortable if the truth comes out.
“I know this girl who’s in a committed relationship. Her fiancée is deployed, they have a kid together,” the man wrote. “She’s also friends with this guy (37) who I know, separately from her. Neither one of them know that I know the other.”
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The woman, who the poster explained is 27 years old, is close with the man and views him as an older sibling.
“She’s talked about him and said that she can really count on him, she trusts him, [and] he helps her out with a lot,” the poster wrote. “I know he mows her lawn, [and] fixes things around her house.”
The man, meanwhile, has a wife and kids.
“Before all of this I definitely would never have thought of him as the type to cheat on his wife or anything like that,” the poster continued.
To complicate matters more, the female friend is also close with the male friend’s wife.
“They go on weekend trips together, to the spa, etc.,” explained the poster.
However, the male friend has confided in the poster that he has feelings for the female friend.
“The thing is he’s talked about her to me as well (again not knowing that I know who she is) and he’s really attracted to her,” the poster explained. “He talks about her looks constantly, how gorgeous she is, how he wishes he had met her ‘a long time ago,’ how he keeps ‘hoping’ for a ‘situation’ between the two of them.”
The poster doesn’t think the male friend would ever do anything harmful to the female friend. However, he feels uncomfortable with his male friend’s romantic feelings.
“I don’t know if I should say something to her about this. She’s alone with him a lot, I don’t know if she should be aware that this guy has more than ‘older brother’ feelings for her, since I know she doesn’t have any feelings for him,” the poster wrote. “I don’t know if I would be overstepping if I told her though.”
In the “friend zone”
Most Redditors recommended that the man warn his female friend. However, some thought he should stay out of it.
“Dear god please tell her. I’ve been the younger woman with a man who pretended to be my ‘older brother’ and it was alarming and hurtful,” one Redditor wrote.
“The truth is, she should be aware that he’s hoping a ‘situation’ pops up because he may create instances where it’s possible, and that could make her look bad,” another Redditor advised.
“No need to tell her per se. But explain to him that he’s in the friend zone and will never come out,” another Redditor recommended.
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