‘Lady Justice Grabbed Trump by the P-ssy’: Late-Night Hosts React to Indictment News

Emily Zemler
·2 min read
Screenshot-2023-03-31-at-9.25.12-AM - Credit: YouTube/Jimmy Kimmel Live
Screenshot-2023-03-31-at-9.25.12-AM - Credit: YouTube/Jimmy Kimmel Live

A Manhattan grand jury has voted to indict Donald Trump, much to the delight of late-night TV writers. The former president was indicted on charges related to his hush-money payment to adult film actress Stormy Daniels ahead of the 2016 election, which apparently makes for some great comedy.

Jimmy Kimmel Live opened with a clip of Trump on a toilet in a prison cell, with host Jimmy Kimmel noting that he rewrote his monologue at the last minute to accommodate the news. Previously, he had planned to discuss baseball, but “it’s all moot because the ‘J’ in Donald J. Trump now stands for ‘jail,'” Kimmel quipped.

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“It’s historic and it’s funny,” the host added. “It’s very, very funny. I mean, of all the things he’s done the one that bit Trump in the ass was a round of post-golf putter butter with the star of Sexbots: Programmed for Pleasure.”

On The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon was equally thrilled with the news. “When Stormy Daniels heard she was like, ‘Oh this is what it feels like to be satisfied,'” Fallon joked. He also played a video of Trump set to the Pointer Sisters’ “I’m So Excited” that sees a deep fake Trump singing “I’m so indicted.”

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert announced the just-revealed headline to his cheering audience. “Ladies and gentlemen, he was right,” Colbert said gleefully. “We’re finally saying ‘Merry Christmas’ again!… I didn’t know it would feel this good! This is good news for everybody. Even him!”

John Leguizamo, the current guest host of The Daily Show, also got cheers as he fist-pumped to the news. “That’s right,” he said. “Lady Justice grabbed Trump by the pussy.”

He added, “Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there: If you commit fraud to cover up an affair with a porn star the law will catch up to you after like seven years and a full term as president.”

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