Kimmel Suggests Some Alternate Names for People Who Don’t like ‘Halloween’ (Video)

·2 min read

Jimmy Kimmel took some time in his Wednesday monologue to talk about something that kind of sounds silly to a lot of people: Calls to ditch Halloween as a holiday in favor of some bland other things.

And of course he came out in favor of Halloween, but as a nice gesture he came up with some alternate names for the holiday that maybe Halloween opposers would accept.

So real briefly, the context is a school district in Massachusetts that wants to “de-emphasize” Halloween. Which is something that Jimmy Kimmel found amusing.

“You know- I know the country is very divided right now – but this – I believe – might be the kind of thing that will unite us. Maybe,” he said at the start of his monologue on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.

“Maybe not. Probably not,” he joked before explaining that “a school district in Melrose, Massachusetts – just a few miles north of Boston – that has decided to – quote – “de-emphasize” Halloween.”

“And not because of covid. That has nothing to do with Covid. Schools will not host their annual Halloween festivities this year- thanks to a new policy,” Kimmel continued, “that says “over the past several years, MPS has worked to deemphasize Halloween and shift our focus toward community building through fall celebrations. As we work to address unfinished learning, two of our key priorities are 1.) equity and the inclusion of all students and fostering a sense of belonging and partnership with students, families and staff.’”

“And I guess that means no Halloween party. I don’t know why,” he continued. “Sounds to me like maybe Julie Kukenberger couldn’t think of a fun costume, so she ruined it for everyone.”

Kimmel summed things up a bit more and then got a bit philosophical. “Instead of de-emphasizing Halloween- maybe what they need is an alternate, non-offensive name for the holiday at the end of October,” he said.

We’ll just list his ideas below verbatim:

National Gourd Appreciation Day

Squash Hashanah

Children Dress Slightly Differently Than They Normally Do Every Day

The Festival of Non-Terrifying, Eco-Friendly Rubber Masks

Draculabor Day

All Snickers Eve

Afterlife Awareness Day

Just Let The Theater Kids Go Nuts Night

And- something we can all get behind- Rob Schneider’s Birthday

58 this year so- happy birthday, Rob.

Watch the whole thing above.

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