Yahoo Movies Silly Valentine's Day Jokes That Prove Dad Jokes Are for February 14 Too
It’s about that time of year for pink drinks, all manner of red and chocolate treats (Red Velvet Cheesecake Brownies, anyone?), and heart-patterned everything. With all the ways we have to say “Happy Valentine’s Day,” why not bring some giggles—and dare we say the occasional snort—into the mix? Share these funny Valentine’s Day jokes for adults and kids alike in cards, texts, and even Instagram captions for February 14.
If you've picked out Valentine’s Day gifts for the kids, tuck silly notes into their gift bags. ("What did one watermelon say to the other?” “You're one in a melon!") Or, perhaps you want to cheer up a friend healing from a broken heart. ("What did the calculator say to the pencil?" "You can count on me.") And if dad jokes are your love language, we’ve got plenty of corny one-liners to crack up your soulmate. ("What do you call a very small Valentine? A valen-tiny.") Ha!
Sure, some of these jokes might be cheesier than a heart-shaped pizza, but who doesn't like cheese?
If you need more ideas, we’ve got Valentine’s Day puns and funny love quotes for you too. Because whatever you’re doing for Valentine’s Day, whether cooking a romantic dinner, playing holiday-inspired games with the kids, or forgoing Valentine’s Day for a Galentine’s Day gathering, laughter will make a day all about love just a bit lovelier.
Valentine's Day Dad Jokes
"Where do you find love in a grocery store?" "Aisle B… there for you."
"How do you put a flower in the friend zone?" "You tell it, 'You’re my best bud.'"
"What did the snail say on Valentine's Day when his call went to voicemail?" "I just crawled to say I love you."
"What did the soil say to express its feelings for the rock?" "I’d settle for you."
"What’s the best Valentine’s Day dinner?" "A hearty one."
"When should you ask someone out on a coffee date?" "When you like them a latte."
"Why shouldn't you trust a pastry chef on Valentine's Day?" "Because they'll dessert you."
"What do you tell a pig on February 14?" "Happy Valen-swine's Day!"
"Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?" "Yes, it's February 14."
"Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day?" "A calendar."
"What did the tortoise say on Valentine's Day?" "I turt-ally love you."
"How did the squirrel get his valentine's attention?" "He acted like a nut."
"How do you keep a jewelry store safe on Valentine's Day?" "You locket."
"What do you call sweets that can keep a beat?" "Candy rappers."
"What do you call a romance that starts at the aquarium?" "Guppy love."
"How do vampires know if they had a successful Valentine's Day?" "If it's love at first bite."
"Why should you date a goalie?" "He's a keeper."
"What did the painter tell his girlfriend?" "I love you with all my art."
"What did the man with the broken leg tell his valentine?" "I have a crutch on you."
Corny Valentine's Day Jokes
"The date on this milk is February 14. Wait, even the milk has a Valentine's date?"
“If Q and T were dating, their celebrity couple name would be Cutie.”
"What did the puzzle say on Valentine's Day?" "You complete me."
"What do you write in a slug's Valentine's Day card?" "Be my Valen-slime!"
"What did the paper clip say to the magnet?" "I find you very attractive."
"Why did the husband get his wife a kitten for Valentine's Day?" "He thought it was the purrfect present.
"What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?" "I’m stuck on you!"
"Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?" "His heart wasn’t in it."
"Why did the syrup give the waffle a Valentine's Day ultimatum?" "It was waffling on their relationship status."
"How can you get arrested on Valentine's Day?" "For stealing someone's heart."
"Why did you get arrested on purpose on Valentine's Day?" "So I could say I got cuffed."
"What do you call two birds in love?" "Tweethearts!"
"What did the scientist say to their valentine?" "I think of you periodically."
"I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned."
"I once fell in love with someone who only knew 4 vowels. They didn’t know I existed."
"What did the calculator say to the pencil?" "You can count on me."
"How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?" "He gave her a ring!"
"What did one oar tell the other oar?" "This is so row-mantic!"
"What did the closet say to the light bulb?" "You light up my world."
Punny Valentine's Day One-Liners
"What did the gardener say to their date?" "I dig you."
"What did the mushroom say to the other mushroom?" "I love you very mush."
"What did the car say to the tire?" "Wheel you be my valentine?"
"How did the squirrel save money for a Valentine’s gift?" "It squirreled it away."
"What did the fish say to the other fish?" "You're a catch."
"What did one watermelon say to the other?" "You're one in a melon!"
"What do you call a very small Valentine?" "A valen-tiny."
"What did the ghost say to his valentine?" "You look so BOOtiful."
"What do farmers give for Valentine’s Day?" "Lots of hogs and kisses."
"What do you call a Valentine's Day gift that didn't arrive time?" "Choco-late."
"What did one bee say to the other?" "I love bee-ing with you, honey!"
"What did one volcano say to the other?" "I lava you."
"What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine's Day?" "I love you berry much."
"What did the cucumber say to the pickle?" "You mean a great dill to me."
"What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine's Day?" "You're purr-fect for me."
"What did one sheep say to the other on February 14?" "I love ewe."
"How much candy do you hope to get this Valentine's Day?" "A choco-LOT!"
"What did one flame say to another on Valentine's Day?" "We're a perfect match."
"How did the whale ask the other whale on a Valentine's date?" "Whale you be mine?"
"What do you call a ghost's sweetheart?" "A ghoul-friend."
Best Valentine's Day Knock-Knock Jokes
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Donut." "Donut who?" "Donut ever let me go."
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Olive." "Olive who?" "Olive you!"
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Don." "Don who?" "Don go breaking my heart."
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Peas." "Peas who?" "Peas be mine!"
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Butch, Jimmy and Joe." "Butch, Jimmy, and Joe who?" "Butch your arms around me, Jimmy a kiss, and let's Joe."
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Disguise." "Disguise who?" "Disguise is your boy friend!"
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Howard." "Howard who?" "Howard you like a big kiss?"
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Bea." "Bea who?" "Bea my Valentine!"
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