Jimmy Kimmel Brutally Roasts QAnon Nuts for March 4 Trump Prophesy

Marlow Stern
·3 min read
ABC
ABC

Capitol police are on high alert. Why, you might ask? Well, former President Donald Trump’s horde of QAnon followers—you know, the ones like Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, who believe Democrats and Hollywood A-listers are engaged in a massive child sex-trafficking ring and harvest the fear of children (a conspiracy theory inspired in part by the Pixar movie Monsters, Inc.)—believe that Trump will re-assume power and be inaugurated for a second term as president on March 4.

As the BBC explained, “The idea stems from the belief among some QAnon followers that the United States turned from a country into a corporation after the passage of the District of Columbia Organic Act of 1871. It’s an odd, unfounded theory drawn from the sovereign citizen movement, an extreme libertarian fringe that opposes federal laws, general taxation and even the U.S. currency on the grounds that they restrict individual rights. Believers in the QAnon offshoot maintain that every US president, act and amendment passed after 1871 is illegitimate.” (We are all dumber for having to even think about this.)

On Wednesday night, Jimmy Kimmel dedicated a portion of his monologue to this wacky conspiracy theory.

“Security forces are on high alert at the Capitol tonight thanks to a QAnon prophesy that says tomorrow is the day Donald Trump will return to the White House, triumphantly,” said Kimmel. “March 4 is the date on which they used to inaugurate presidents 100 years ago, and the theory some of these Q nuts are spreading is that tomorrow will be some sort of ‘reawakening.’ Emperor Palpateenyhands will strike back tomorrow, just like he was supposed to on January 6!”

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“How many more times are these people going to prepare for a victory that doesn’t come?” the comic continued. “I don’t know who Q is, but he’s definitely a Clippers fan. Donald Trump—make no mistake, and I’ll bet anything on it—will not be in the White House tomorrow. He’ll be at Mar-a-Lago, berating the maid for only leaving one McNugget on his pillow.”

As ludicrous as this QAnon theory is, the threats appear quite real. “The Capitol Police force is preparing for another assault on the Capitol building on Thursday after obtaining intelligence of a potential plot by a militia group, just two months after a mob of Trump loyalists and extremists attacked the building, leaving five dead and hundreds injured,” reported The New York Times. “Leaving nothing to chance, House leaders on Wednesday abruptly moved a vote on policing legislation from Thursday to Wednesday night, so lawmakers could leave town, according to a senior Democratic aide familiar with the planning.”

Then, Kimmel cited a tweet from Dave Weigel of The Washington Post:

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“So Biden is in on this too?” chuckled Kimmel. “I would like to be with Ken on March 21, the day after his prophesy doesn’t come true. You can always trust a man who wears the flag as clothing.”

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