Early on Friday, the "Price Tag" singer, 34, got candid about the grief she still feels 9 months later, penning an emotional note on Instagram alongside two pictures of her, one when she was younger and one now
"When I was 16 years old, I wrote a list of things I wanted by the time I was 30," the singer said in lengthy caption. "[First] thing on the list was to be a Mum. Now I'm nearly 35 and some days the grief of losing a baby and it not being easy to have one, and wanting my life in that way to look completely different to what it looks like right now just overwhelms me."
She continued in her message, hoping that her struggles would allow others to know they're not alone. "I know it's healthy and normal to have days of complete sadness and to honor all the feelings that come up, good and bad," Jessie J wrote. "The bad isn't often at all and yes I could go through this moment right now today alone in private and usually do, but today I am here. Because I know thousands of people around the 🌎 feel just like I do."
The British star, born Jessica Cornish, ended her message, "Maybe you read this and feel the love I have for you. I hope you can. Connecting is key. Hugging you all 🤍"
In May, during an episode of The Diary of a CEO podcast, she detailed the "dreadful" moment she lost her unborn baby on November 23 and explained what the painful experience taught her about self-love.
"I had two scans on the same day, and within the first scan and the second scan, the baby had passed," Jesse J shared. "When I got home that night and I lay there, I've never felt so lonely in my life... I just remember laying there, knowing it was still there, but it wasn't there. That went on for over a week."
After feeling out of whack at the beginning of the pregnancy, Jessie J woke up one November morning and said to herself, "Oh, I don't feel right."
"I still had very intense nausea, [but] I just knew something wasn't the same," explained the songstress, who later called a doctor to get checked out.
Jessie J said she sensed something was wrong after "that dreadful silence when you first have a scan and they kind of don't say anything."
"I was like, 'Just tell me the truth, what's going on?,' and she said, 'Your baby's heartbeat is very low,' and there's this, like, ring," the artist explained. "And I was like, 'Well, what does that mean?' and she said, 'It often means that the baby will have some sort of disability or deformity.' "
After receiving the news, Jessie J said she cried to herself on the street outside the doctor's office. That's when a man approached her with words of encouragement.
"[He] said, 'This is happening because you're supposed to talk about this. You're supposed to help other people.' And instead of going to get blood, I got in my car and I said, 'I'm going to get a second opinion.' "
A short time later, after locating another doctor with 10 minutes on his hands, Jessie J underwent another scan. This time, the baby was gone.
Afterward, Jessie J spoke with a member of her team about whether or not to continue with her shows as scheduled — and she did.
Jessie J Instagramm
"I remember just going [home] and not processing it," she said. "... And then the next day I went straight into glam, I did the soundcheck and I got on stage."
That's when she made the announcement on Instagram. "I posted it because I didn't have anyone to break on," she recalled. "I didn't have anyone to just fall apart on, and that's what I needed, that's what I wanted."
That hardest part wasn't the show, though, but rather the time afterward. "It was when I got in the car after the show by myself, and I got home, and I opened my front door, and I closed the door, I fell to my knees," she explained.
"That was the worst moment of the whole experience, was me realizing that, other than my career, being a mother and having a child has been the biggest excitement of my life," Jessie J said. "Like, I've always been super maternal. I love children. ... I felt like I'd been given everything I'd ever wanted and then someone had gone, 'But you can't have it.' "
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Despite the sad experience, Jessie J believes "the reason it happened was because I wasn't supposed to do it alone."
"I'm supposed to find someone that wants this as much as I do," she said. "I'm grateful that I got to experience being pregnant, it's opened the door for me to love myself deeper. I'm still processing the whole thing. I have moments of intense sadness and grief, but I also have moments of excitement, knowing that I won't do it alone."