Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
more animals should get the zoomies, I’d love to see a giraffe just lose its fucking mind
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) August 14, 2022
the entire concept of passports is weird, you try to visit a slightly different piece of the planet you were born on and then somebody goes "woah woah woah, first I need to see a very small booklet"
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) August 16, 2022
((horizontal on the couch watching a cooking show after 3 nights of having cereal for dinner)) i can’t believe he’d cook the lamb like that
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) August 15, 2022
me: i wish i could go live in the woods
my phone: your screen time was up 34% this week for a daily average of 7 hours
— trash jones (@jzux) August 14, 2022
cauliflower rice is strange, because it's worse than regular rice, but also worse then cauliflower
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) August 13, 2022
Mix things up by putting framed quotes meant for the kitchen into the bathroom pic.twitter.com/r6nDfCWPFi
— Rachel Figueroa 🐝🐝🐝🌻🌻🍄 (@Jewyorican) August 15, 2022
every time i watch a documentary i think “where tf was i when all this was happening”
— folake aina (@f0lake) August 18, 2022
imagine a crab coming out of the sea pressuring you to kiss a girl you just met two days ago in a jamaican accent
— bbqueen (@ngocbbuii) August 17, 2022
my bf driving us through my hometown: 👨 🚘
me: that’s the hardware store where my friend maria worked, once i got pulled over at that stop sign, we’d turn here if we were going to my grandma’s house, this is where the high school is, we drive thru this park to see christmas li
— 𝔪𝔢𝔤 (@bymeg) August 14, 2022
I hate when a fancy salad is just a big sliced tomato with a surprising complexion
— raina (@quakerraina) August 18, 2022
This weekend I left a party at 10pm and the birthday girl said, “thank you for staying so late, I know how much 9pm means to you”
— gabrielle korn (@Gabrielle_Korn) August 15, 2022
my roommate is like “the cat won’t stop waking me up at night so I give her treats *every time* she wakes me up at night” I don’t know how to break it to her
— Amy (@lolennui) August 16, 2022
at high school slumber parties you were either a truth girl, a dare girl, or the girl who fell asleep first before all the good stuff happened
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) August 15, 2022
Was just petting my boyfriend’s dog and he said “I’m so glad you like her” and I was like “of course how could I not like her, she’s so cute” and my boyfriend was like “no I’m talking to my dog, it would be really awkward if my dog didn’t like you.”
— Colleen (@Coll3enG) August 17, 2022
i don't want to work. i want to eat prosciutto.
— seynique (@seynique) August 15, 2022
I made a TikTok about how the young me would have been so impressed by the life I’m living now and one woman on TikTok commented “no kids and no marriage”. I replied “I wouldn’t trade my life for your husband and your kids”, and now suddenly, I’m the bad guy!!! 😅😭😂
— TONI TONE (@t0nit0ne) August 18, 2022
please, untitled document was my father, call me untitled document (1)
— cal? (@cal_gif) August 16, 2022
guy who joins people on their cigarette break and just starts blowing bubbles
— Julia Rapp 💙 (@jujujulife) August 16, 2022
I am a millennial in charge of a couple gen z employees, how many low res minion memes do you think I should attach per email to make them experience dread? 4-5?
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) August 13, 2022
me when people complain about how it's getting darker earlier and it's a little nipply at night and the air has a distinct..............chill to it pic.twitter.com/rkxfUDvFTK
— scaachi (@Scaachi) August 16, 2022
love island but it’s just me in the villa and there’s no cameras and basically im on vacation and loving it!!!
— Maggie? Winters? (@saggiesplinters) August 11, 2022
Three stages of career development are: I want to be in the meeting, I want to run the meeting, I want to avoid meetings.
— Kate (she/her/hers) (@Katiohead) August 17, 2022
My neighbor watched me scream-flail my way through a surprise spiderweb in the driveway and now the power dynamic between us has perceptibly shifted.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) August 14, 2022
Just walked past a man who was helplessly staring at his wailing infant in a stroller on this beautiful afternoon in Brooklyn, and then said to the baby: "This feels like an overreaction."
— Laura Bassett (@LEBassett) August 14, 2022
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.