The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (March 21-27)

IDK who needs to hear this but don’t wait until the end of the quarantine to discover you never pulled your kid’s lunch out of her backpack.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 22, 2020

Wife: What are you guys playing?

Me: Hopscotch.

Wife: But the kids are just hopping up and down while you're drinking scot-

Me:

Wife: Got an extra glass?

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) March 24, 2020

8: what day is it? Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday?

Me: yes

— Kerry on Wayward Son (@EmissaryKerry) March 25, 2020

What a crazy world— my 5yo just requested me to please not be loud or crazy because she has a call at 10 with her class.

— #hashtagtacos 🌮 (@VicVijayakumar) March 24, 2020

Her: Twins run in my family

Me: I can’t even get mine to go for a walk

— Son of Dad (@ThugRaccoons) March 25, 2020

Them: I taught my kids French during the quarantine

Me: I taught my 4 year old TikTok

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) March 25, 2020

Reading your kids a book in a funny voice that entertains them AND annoys your spouse is the holy grail of parenting.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 24, 2020

My toddler prefers brushing his teeth in the nude

No one prepared me for these moments

— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) March 25, 2020

If you had asked me what the hardest part of battling a global pandemic would be I would have never guessed, “teaching elementary school math.”

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 23, 2020

My toddler just started cheering and I joined in. I’ve no idea what we’re cheering for but I’m liking this positivity

— Lottie-pop (@lottie_fly_x) March 25, 2020

I told my kids I was older than the Internet then spent the next hour trying to explain how to (google) things with magical books called encyclopedias

— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) March 25, 2020

I moved a table into the living room so the kids now have a cute little workspace/desk area to sit at while they whine.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 23, 2020

My children call for “Mommy” an awful lot for people who don’t listen to a goddamn word I say.

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) March 26, 2020

8y.o: “I need help with my math.”

Me: “I’m working right now, but Daddy can help you.”

8: “I know, but...”

Me: “Go ask him- he’s better at math than I am, anyway.”

8: “I know, but even though it’s numbers, he uses WAY too many words to explain it to me.”

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 25, 2020

Taught Luna to shake trees and collect sticks to sell. So proud. Need a few more kids and I will truly be the mayor

— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 27, 2020

7-year-old: Can we leave the house?

Me: We could go for a walk.

7: And then what?

Me: Come back to the house.

7: I'll just stay here.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 22, 2020

Dear Netflix,

For the remainder of the quarantine, please assume we are always “still watching.”

Sincerely,

All Parents

— Not the Nanny (@notthenanny) March 21, 2020

13 y/o daughter is in “gym” class online. They’re just sitting down talking. One child is in the full school gym uniform down to athletic shoes for the videoconference.

— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) March 23, 2020

Me: We’re well stocked with the necessities, let’s not waste food

What my kids hear: Yayy let’s eat, every hour, like it’s a cruise buffet

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) March 25, 2020

Whoever said, "the days are long but the years are short" did not know about 2020.

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) March 22, 2020