Adam Sandler delighted attendees the 32nd annual Gotham Awards on Monday (28 December) with a hilarious acceptance speech.
During his acceptance speech, Sandler told the story of how he told his daughters Sadie and Sunny, who are 16 and 14, that he “didn’t write a speech and they said phrases like, ‘Rude’ and ‘You’re mean.’
“Daddy’s f***ing tired. Daddy works hard, calm down,” Sandler said. “They were like, ‘Can we write your speech, Daddy? So you got something to say.’ I said, absolutely.”
In a southern accent, Sandler continued: “Dear well-dressed dignitaries, highly educated hipsters and various other plus-ones of the Gotham Awards, thank you for giving our daddy, Mr Adam Sandler, this prestigious lifetime, all-time, primetime GOAT (greatest of all time) achievement tribute award.
“It means a lot to him seeing that most of the awards on his trophy shelf are shaped like popcorn buckets, blimps, or fake mini-Oscars that say 'Father of the Year', which he sadly purchased himself while wandering in a self-pitying fog through the head shops of Times Square.”
Sandler then explained why his daughters were not in attendance at the awards, commenting: “I don't want to spend the whole night that's supposed to be about me and my greatness listening to you two newly pubertised buffoons screaming, 'Where is Timothée Chalamet?'”
He continued under the pretence that his daughters wrote his speech, adding: “While daddy is with you tonight, we’re doing everything we’re not allowed to do when daddy is home, like eat his Yodels or try on his Spanx or, dare we say, laugh out loud at Ben Stiller movies.
“The last time daddy caught us chuckling away at the Meet the Parents trilogy, he immediately stormed into the room he calls ‘The Screaming Room,’ which we just call ‘the shower,’ and bellowed out the phrase, ‘Only the Sandman makes people laugh. F*** every other comedian.’”
Sandler continued his six-minute speech by explaining how his career had been guided by two principles: “People in prison need movies too, and TBS needs content to show between all them f***ing basketball games.”
Claiming his daughters refer to 1999 comedy Big Daddy as the film with “the little cutie who grows up to be Cole and Dylan Sprouse”, Sandler said he refered to is as “the movie that paid for this f***ing house and your grandma’s house and your other f***ing grandma’s house, Rob Schneider’s f***ing house, and your braces, and Rob Schneider’s f***ing braces.”
He concluded by thanking his wife for putting up with his “crazy” mood swings after all these years: “Now that, truly, is a feat deserving of a lifetime achievement award.”