As dysfunction surrounds him, here are top 10 ways Dolphins’ Tua is unluckiest man on Earth | Opinion

When one Googles the phrase, “life is not fair,” a picture of Tua Tagovailoa should appear.

As his Miami Dolphins languish at 1-6 after six consecutive losses and reports swirl that the team already is shopping for his replacement, here are the 10 ways Tagovailoa is the unluckiest man on Earth. Or at least in the NFL.

The collective weight of them is the boulder he drags, but we’ll rank them in order, because people love lists:

The top 10 ways Tua Tagovailoa is the unluckiest man on Earth:

▪ 1. Houston’s management is lousy, and Deshaun Watson gets creepy (allegedly!) in massage rooms: Only because there happens to be a 26-year-old proven superstar quarterback on the trade market is Tagovailoa enmeshed in the continuing, distracting, soul-crushing idea his team might be willing to give up on him so soon. And Watson is only available because A). he hates Texans management and demands a trade, and B). he is accused by 22 women of sexual impropriety while receiving massages. Miami reportedly tops the list of several teams that want Watson, at great cost, despite the fallout of possible civil, criminal and league punishments ahead. Not exactly a confidence booster, if you’re Tua Tagovailoa.

▪ 2. All-points bulletin: Has anyone seen the Dolphins’ defense?: It ranked fifth best in the league with 21.1 points against per game last year. Now: 31st at 29.6. That 8.5-point worsening is huge, and disproportionately falls on Tagovailoa. Perfect example Sunday: Tagovailoa gives his team a 28-27 lead with two minutes left on his fourth TD pass, but the defense gives up a losing field goal drive. And all of those redemption stories about Tagovailoa being the hero get scrapped.

▪ 3. Injuries. His, but mostly others’: The hip surgery coming out of Alabama and the hurt ribs that shelved him three games this season are not the real problem. This is: DeVante Parker and Will Fuller have been all but useless, always injured. Remember how Tagovailoa was supposed to be surrounded by all these weapons? Tagovailoa, Jaylen Waddle, Mike Gesicki, Parker and Fuller have never been on the field together. Zero snaps.

▪ 4. An untrustworthy offensive line is dulling down the offense: A young line the coaching staff obviously does not trust to protect Tagovailoa is why Miami throws so many screens and quick slants so he can release quickly and not get hit. This limits time to run many deep routes. It’s why the Fins offense is boring. Eight NFL teams average less than 10 yards per completion. None has a winning record; combined they are 15-38. Miami is next to last at 8.56 yards per completion. They have Tagovailoa throwing handcuffed.

▪ 5. Running game? What running game?: Oops, the Dolphins in building this roster forgot about offensive balance, and what a godsend a quality ground game can be for a young QB. Miami has only one running back who was drafted — Myles Gaskin in the seventh round in 2019. The Fins throw more than any other team (67.12 percent of the time) because they know their ground game stinks. Their average of 80.1 run yards per game is 31st of 32 teams. Miami runs relative few play-action passes because defenses don’t respect or fear the Fins’ running backs run and wouldn’t bite.

▪ 6. On March 10, 1998 in Eugene, Oregon, Mark and Holly Herbert had a baby boy: They named him Justin. The Dolphins could have had Justin in the 2020 Draft but picked Tagovailoa instead. Thus far and likely henceforth, Tagovailoa has and will be judged relative to Herbert. On his own merit, Tagovailoa’s performance in his first 13 pro starts has been credible. Encouraging, even. Only relative to Herbert is he seen as failing.

▪ 7. Co-offensive coordinators? How about one good one?: The idea of co-offensive coordinators seemed dumb from the start, like, what, coach Brian Flores couldn’t make up his mind? Or neither guy was up to the task on his own. Sure enough, George Godsey and Eric Studeville are co-piloting an offense that — even with some life in Sunday’s 30-28 loss to Atlanta — ranks 28th in yards and 29th in scoring. And it means Tagovailoa, 13 starts in, already has worked with three different offensive coordinators.

▪ 8. The men behind the scenes but hands-on in the failure: The surrounding dysfunction that set up Tagovailoa to fail (and that Watson alone can’t fix) must start with owner Stephen Ross and general manager Chris Grier. This is Ross’ 13th season as majority owner. He has overseen two winning seasons, one playoff appearance and an overall 88-112 record. Grier, a Dolphins lifer who climbed the ladder slowly, is in his sixth year as GM. His record is 32-48. Cannot Miami do better?

▪ 9. Waiting for the oops moment you know is coming: Tagovailoa isn’t faultless in his misfortune. Brings some one himself. Just look at the past two games since he hss been back from injury: 65 of 87 (74.6 percent) for 620 yards and six touchdown passes. Those are great numbers. Not good. Great. But those three interceptions, including two Sunday! “The margin of error in this league is so small,” as Tagovailoa noted Sunday. With so much else working against him, he cannot afford to be his own worst enemy.

▪ 10. The Miami Dolphins are cursed: In Miami drafting Tagovailoa, the Fins didn’t get unlucky. Tagovailoa did. In a secret pact with the devil — unreported until right now — Don Shula agreed to exchanged back-to-back Super Bowl wins and a Perfect Season for eternal franchise damnation. Dan Marino, Bill Parcells, Jason Taylor, Jimmy Johnson, Nick Saban — nobody could beat the curse.

Tua Tagovailoa never had a chance.