Thanks to a strange bit of reporting this weekend from ESPN’s Michael DiRicco about Jacksonville Jaguars head coach Doug Marrone, the Jags are about be inundated with logs on tops of logs of bologna. That’s because on Wednesday morning, the Beef Checkoff and National Hot Dog and Sausage Council is sending 100 logs of bologna to EverBank Field.
Marrone will probably never be more excited for an early December practice in his life. If you’re wondering exactly how much bologna that is, the answer is 3.5 pounds per log. That’s a grand total of 350 pounds of bologna.
“The fact that the Jaguars have been so successful this year with him as their first-year head coach it was clear to us that bologna is a primary reason for their success,” said Mittenthal, the president of the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council. “Clearly it’s working some magic for them with the team looking good for the playoffs. We felt like they could use an added protein push to not only make the playoffs but on the road to the Super Bowl.”
Marrone’s affinity for bologna first came to light after a win over the Los Angeles Chargers.
“I’m exhausted right now. I’m shot,” Marrone told reporters. “Like, I’m shot … I can tell you right now: I’m going to take a shower, I’ll call my wife to meet me at home, pick up some bologna and cheese, go out the back way, get in my car, drive home, listen to some music, pet my dogs because we won, and then I’m just going to” – he made a sound like air coming out of a balloon. “It’s not like ‘woo hoo!’”
Mittenthal made the decision to send 100 logs to the Jags after reading anecdotes like this about Marrone’s love for his favorite deli meat. Be warned, Marrone is a weirdo.
“When I was in college at Syracuse, I remember people saying, ‘My God! How can you eat bologna?’” Marrone said. “And I always like bologna because bologna, you never have to throw it out. In other words, if it’s in the refrigerator and you get a little film on it, then you just fry it and it tastes just as good.”
“It reminds me of when I was young, and I do truly enjoy it,” Marrone said. “If someone said I was going to be executed and what my last meal was, I’m going to have a bologna and cheese sandwich.”
“I’m not like a two- or three-slice bologna guy,” Marrone said. “I’m like a half a pound of bologna, you know what I’m saying? And a half a pound of cheese guy.”
If you already think this has gone too far yet, then think again. Mittenthal has plans for a Marrone-bologna endorsement deal.
“I think he would be a great bologna spokesperson,” he said. “We haven’t determined how we want to move forward with this, but as someone that loves bologna the way he does we’d love to work with him.”
Marrone’s Baloney does have a nice ring to it. If the Jags reach the Super Bowl don’t be surprised if you spot a familiar coach in a million-dollar bologna ad.