DeMarcus Cousins explaining the movie 'Titanic' is the best of things

DeMarcus Cousins has much respect for Jack Dawson.

You never knew you wanted New Orleans Pelicans center DeMarcus Cousins’ breakdown of the epic 1997 Academy Award-winning drama “Titanic,” but you do. Oh, trust me, you definitely want this:

The entire analysis is extraordinary, if only because Cousins’ review of the movie is just him explaining the basic plot points in full Boogie fashion, but here are some highlights after my umpteenth viewing:

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• Saying, “Jack, being the player that he was,’ not once, but twice, is fantastic and entirely accurate.

• But, “He ended up bagging a girl named Rose,” is just an all-time line. This is just truth-spitting.

• Boogie describing the Titanic as “a nice little cruise out somewhere in the ocean,” as if he doesn’t know the Titanic disaster was a real thing that happened on a trans-Atlantic voyage, is good stuff.

• I’m glad he informed us the Titanic hit an iceberg, because people forget that.

• I would like to thank DeMarcus for raising the biggest issue I’ve had with this movie for two decades now: “She made Jack stay in the water, so Jack froze to death.” This is supposedly one of the great love stories of our time, and she didn’t even bother to see if both of them could fit on the debris together?

• “Now, do you guys know what this movie is called?” So, I guess this was a trivia game in which we were supposed to decipher what he was describing? I want to meet the person who got this wrong.

At any rate, we need DeMarcus Cousins reviewing movies and narrating historical national disasters on a weekly basis for the rest of time. In fact, every movie should have a “Cousins commentary” option.

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Ben Rohrbach is a contributor for Ball Don’t Lie on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at rohrbach_ben@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter!