‘My children love play dates – but why do they always have to happen at our house?’

Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that my children want to bring their friends home to our house. That is why I nearly always say yes when they ask to have their friends around.

We always seem to be the ones who plan and take the initiative when it comes to organising social events outside school – call us the play-date trailblazers, if you must – and, boy, are we good at it.

We do pool parties, take children to sports matches, get the sewing box out, make cakes, do Christmas crafts, put on gymnastics shows, create mini orchestras, dress the dogs up, go on treasure hunts – you name it, it’s all happening here.

But when I settle down in my armchair for a rare moment in front of the telly, post-play date, and wait for a reciprocal WhatsApp message to ping, inviting one of my children back to someone else’s house, I might as well expect a message from Santa, asking me what Christmas shopping he can do on my behalf.

The invitations rarely come – the play-date traffic is all one way. Inevitably, this has left me feeling a bit used and abused; let’s face it, a play-date invitation is as rare as hen’s teeth and seemingly no one (save for yours truly) can be bothered to organise one.

I remember sharing my frustration with a friend who lives on the opposite side of the country, and she castigated me, asking had I not heard of a “play-date book”? I hadn’t. Apparently, you log all the dates in a book and this helps jog your memory as to whose turn it is to host a play date. That way, you can show your children whose turn it is and avoid arguments and recriminations etc.

Superb idea. But it wasn’t going to work for us, as the tally chart would be all one-sided. I hear the excuses in garbled form from my children: so-and-so’s mum works; so-and-so’s house is too small; so-and-so’s house is being renovated.

I have a feeling that what is actually going on here is close to exploitation on the part of the other parents. Exploitation of our house, I mean.

We’re very fortunate. It’s important to make that point, because we do live in a nice house with plenty of space, lots of kit to play with, and a big garden. It’s great, and it’s great that other children want to come here and enjoy it with us.

But I’m getting the feeling that we are basically becoming an alternative to the park or the local pool or the sports centre when it comes to “What shall we do with the children today?”

It is, you might think, very much a first-world problem. But I worry that my children are getting too used to hanging out in their own space and not getting enough experience of other people’s houses and rules.

It’s not just a question of climbing frames and playrooms, but also other families and other ways of behaving – in the same way that it’s important to socialise a puppy, it’s important to socialise your children – and that means that from time to time it would be good to go and play in other people’s gardens instead of ours.

But for that to happen, we need the invitations. And while we are waiting, and I’m hearing the excuses that my children provide for their friends, often I’m consumed by a fit of generosity and just tell them that they can invite their friends over to our place – again.