Bloodlands, episode 2, review: do not take this show as seriously as it takes itself

In an alternative universe, series two of Bloodlands (BBC One, 9pm) could be a Richard Curtis romcom. Sweet-natured Birdy is an adorably awkward and extremely tall detective in sensible knitwear. Birdy falls for Izzy, a smiley and extremely small student in a beanie hat. But Izzy’s protective dad is Birdy’s boss. Can the course of true love run smooth?

Alas, that is not Bloodlands. Instead, the drama consists of James Nesbitt doing his sinister and shifty face every few minutes, then shooting someone at close range. Handily, his DCI Tom Brannick has always got one of those white forensic suits in the boot of his Volvo so he can dump a body. I think that’s five people he’s shot now, or am I counting wrong? I could swear that in series one they found three bodies on the island, yet at the start of this series Brannick only killed two people. But thinking too closely about this show could send you mad.

Speaking of which: if the police were so worried about the suspect in their case being murdered that they felt compelled to move him to a safe house in the dead of night, why would that safe house be staffed by a single uninterested copper who spends his time watching TV and idly scrolling through his phone? With the blinds open? In a house where anyone can stroll up to the suspect’s bedroom through the back garden?

Anyway, Brannick hid his latest murder weapon in a cupboard behind the pasta. He spent the rest of the episode setting everyone up: sending fake texts to the sexy widow (Victoria Smurfit); deliberately messing up a police interview to ensure that the suspect walked free, in order to abduct and shoot him later; buying a pair of wellies to plant footprints.

The hand of executive producer Jed Mercurio is evident in all of this: it’s a show that wants you to put pieces of the puzzle together, like Line of Duty, although they’re not in the same league. It takes itself very seriously, which makes it ridiculous, which in turn makes it enjoyable. The blurb promises that Birdy and Izzy will be drawn into the plot “until deceit and betrayal build to a shattering climax”, which is definitely not how Richard Curtis would have done it.