Contestant No. 1 spent 300 years hunting mice in a sewer under a Salem cemetery, while Contestant No. 2 was seemingly raised on a strict diet of sass and fiber (and is easily "scared poopless") — who would you choose as the superior Hocus Pocus cat?
Food preferences aside, there are serious matters to consider when it comes to Thackery Binx and Cobweb, the iconic and soon-to-be iconic supporting felines in Hocus Pocus and the new Disney+ sequel Hocus Pocus 2, respectively. For starters, if you were tasked with dueling against centuries-old witches (Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy), who would you trust to stand by your side? Below, EW weighs the pros and cons of both kitties, and makes a ruling on which cat would be most effective in helping to lift the curse of the Sanderson Sisters, and which one is best left to become a shish-ka-baby snack.
Disney; Disney + Binx vs. Cobweb: Who's the superior 'Hocus Pocus' cat?
Appearance and special skills
Binx's pros: Shiny black coat. Talks. Very smart.
Cobweb's pros: Shiny black coat. Intelligence unknown (less maintenance).
Binx's cons: Breath is likely awful, as he did not use his God-given brain (yes, which was transmitted into a feline body) while scouring for food over the last 300 years (no one forced him to eat rats, Angelo the lobster was right there the whole time IN AN OUTDOOR TANK!!!)
Cobweb's cons: Does not talk. A human brain is not in his cat skull.
Odds for survival against magic
Binx's pros: Extremely high odds for survival. His little kitty spirit (yes, we know it was the work of the curse, but this sounds cuter) persisted, reviving his tiny crushed body after it was obliterated by a bus. He also knows that salt repels witches, he jumped on Book when Allison (Vinessa Shaw) opened it and revealed their location, like, this sweet boy uses his words and shares his useful information! A king.
Cobweb's pros: He is barely in the movie, so that means he likely has a minimal presence in these people's lives, and could go undetected if he really wanted to. Would likely not have been noticed if he didn't purposely jump in front of the face of the murderous witches hellbent on killing innocent beings.
Binx's cons: He is also at the mercy of the witches' curse, so he dies when they die, and that makes him EXTREMELY susceptible to catastrophic collisions with giant rocks protruding from the ground at burial sites.
Cobweb's cons: Stands completely still and does not make one attempt to evade Winifred, even after she tells him — like, to his face — that she's going to kill him with a bolt of magic.
Disney+ Cobweb the cat appears in the 'Hocus Pocus 2' trailer.
Binx's pros: Pure, preserving familial bonds into the afterlife, avenging child murder, etc.
Cobweb's pros: Similarly sustaining life, yes, but his own, as he likely operates under the impression that he's getting a nice treat at the end of a long, hard day of being a good widdle boy who can't talk.
Binx's cons: None. Zero. He just wants to vanquish the women who killed his sister and reunite with her in Heaven. A noble fur baby!
Cobweb's cons: Literally a house cat, beholden to a grown man, Gilbert (Sam Richardson), who tricks teenage girls into bringing back witches who famously adore murdering children. Are your priorities real priorities if you're fueling this kind of chaotic behavior?
Who are we choosing to help us terminate evil from New England?
Walt Disney Pictures Thackery Binx in 'Hocus Pocus.'
We'd wait another 300 years if it meant we could spend another Halloween in peril right by Binx's side <3.
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