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‘My best friend wants me to spend £3k on a hen do – can I say no?’

hen party las vegas
hen party las vegas

Dear Moral Money,

My best friend is getting married next year and has her heart set on a hen do in Las Vegas. She had always planned to go there for her 30th birthday, but this plan was scuppered by the pandemic and she now wants 12 friends to join her for a long hen weekend.

But the trip will cost almost £3,000 each for flights, hotels and the bride’s share of the weekend.

Myself and a few others think this is too extravagant and a little tone deaf given the current economic climate. When we raised these concerns, our friend did not respond well.

Most of our friendship group are already married and many had hen parties abroad, but these were much closer to home in the likes of France and Lisbon. My friend has argued that she was happy to pay for these trips and is offended we won’t return the favour.

I am struggling to make her see that the two are just not comparable. Also lots of the group now have children and are more cash-strapped, not to mention I just don’t have the energy for a 10-hour flight to Vegas and four late nights when I have two young children at home.

I really think the fallout is threatening our friendship and my friend has even suggested I shouldn’t be a bridesmaid if I won’t come on the hen weekend.

I could technically afford the £3,000 and my husband has said I should just go to “save face”. But I feel I shouldn’t pay for something I really don’t want to do. Am I right to stand my ground?

LG, Kent

Dear LG,

Weddings are a celebration of love, but it is not unusual for nuptials to cause friction between friends and families – especially when money is involved.

Happy couples can easily find themselves swept up in the pomp and circumstance of stag, hen and wedding parties, but this should never be at the expense of their loved ones.

You were absolutely right to voice your concerns over this extravagant trip and I’m sorry that your friend was not understanding.

You rightly pointed out that we are in the middle of a cost of living crisis and everyone is having to contend with increased outgoings, especially those with young families. Budgets are also relative.

What may seem a reasonable expense to one person, can be too much for another – and true friends will respect that.

I hope that your friend sees sense and is embarrassed by her behaviour once she recovers from her initial disappointment, because no trip is worth losing a friend over.

But if she is threatening to revoke your position as bridesmaid unless you fall in line, then it begs the question whether you would still want her as a friend anyway?

As for your husband being so adamant that you should go on the trip to save face, perhaps he will have a change of heart if asked if he is willing to fund it?

What do you think? Let us know in the comments section below and by emailing moralmoney@telegraph.co.uk

You can also put any question to us (and anonymously) by using the email address above.

Last Moral Money: ‘My tenants have lower bills thanks to me – so can I charge more rent?'

Dear Moral Money,

I am a landlord, renting out a three-bed in east London to young graduates.

They have lived there for three years now and we get on very well. They have never missed a rent payment and have looked after the property in the time they have lived there.

In turn, I have responded promptly to any maintenance issues and have never raised the rent, even as rates in the area have crept up.

Over the past two years, I’ve also slowly but surely been making the property more energy efficient. At this point I’ve spent around £10,000 bumping the property’s energy performance certificate rating from E to C.

Everything I did has had a positive effect on the tenants’ energy bills. While the price cap increase means they are still paying more than they did last year, my improvements mean they’re paying less than those renting elsewhere in the capital.

I am still paying off the mortgage and have to claw back the cost of these green modifications.

Given my tenants are relatively saving on energy bills, can I raise the rent in line with the money I spent?

If I do, I am worried my tenants will no longer be able to afford to live there.

But with my own energy bills soaring and a mortgage to pay off, it seems like a no-brainer. What should I do?

AD, via email

Poll results: What should our landlord do?

Raise the rents in line with what they are saving on bills: 35pc

Wait until the tenants leave and raise the rent to the higher market rate: 52pc

Sell the property: 4pc

Other: 9pc