Al Franken Jokes Trump Has ‘Screwed Himself so Badly’ He Should ‘Write Himself a Check for $130,000’ (Video)

·4 min read

This week, former U.S. senator and “SNL” vet Al Franken is guest-hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” and since his whole thing is the intersection of comedy and politics, you can guess his monologue on Tuesday’s show was mainly about politics.

In particular, he had some pretty good zings about the investigation of Donald Trump concerning the disgraced former president’s potential violations of federal laws concerning top secret information. Even if one of the jokes referred to something that feels so relatively long ago it didn’t quite land with the “Jimmy Kimmel Live” audience until he reminded them.

Franken also talked about how much he dislikes Texas Senator Ted Cruz, the extent to which Trump lost the 2020 election badly, and more.

“While I’m here, I should talk about some of the other existential threats facing our nation. The enormous gaps in wealth and income. The threats to our democracy. But I really think that one of the most serious issues facing our country today is just how big a dick Ted Cruz is,” Franken joked at the start of the monologue.

“Now, I’ve said it before, but I probably liked Ted Cruz more than most of my colleagues liked Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz,’ Franken continued. “Ted Cruz is probably one of most famous Senators – because as I mentioned, he’s a huge dick.”

Later in the monologue, Franken got to the Trump stuff. By now, of course, you know the deal. Trump’s Florida residence was recently searched by the FBI, for what now appears to be potentially multiple violations of statues like the Espionage Act. Serious stuff and if Trump actually committed violations of those statues — or as it’s otherwise known, committed serious crimes — he could face real punishment.

“Trump is taking it exactly, taking it exactly as what you’d expect,’ Franken said. “Last night, he wrote this: ‘There is no way to justify the unannounced RAID of Mar-a-Lago, the home of the 45th President of the United States (who got more votes, by far, than any sitting President in the history of our Country!)'”

This inspired Franken to put that statement about votes in context.

“Now Trump keeps saying that he ‘got more votes, by far, than any sitting President in the history of our Country!’ I know that sounds good, but it doesn’t mean much when you lose by 7,052,770 votes. You’ve heard of Ireland, right? That’s more than the entire population of Ireland. It’s the entire population of Ireland plus every single person in Nebraska combined,” Franken said.

“Plus a completely sold out Michigan Stadium in Ann Arbor and everyone who works at every Burger King in America, plus every person the average American will meet in their entire life, plus every Major League Baseball player and NBA player,” Franken continud.

“Plus a Southwest flight at maximum capacity, throw in every person to date who’s got monkeypox in Indiana, and there’d still be six people left over… that’s the entire Allman Brothers Band. That’s how many people Donald Trump lost by. Give or take a million,” Franken added.

Then he added: “As you know, Trump is under investigation for potential violations of the espionage act and obstruction. It’s not looking good. Trump has screwed himself so badly he’s gonna have to write himself a check for 130,000 thousand dollars.

The audience only kind of laughed at that one, since it’s been about 5 years and, emotionally, at least 100 since that whole thing was in the news. So Franken explained it. “Okay- I didn’t think anyone would get that. That’s what he paid Stormy Daniels. Thank you. That joke was meant to die, so I could do the Carson, You know,” Franken joked. Once the audience got the joke they clapped and laughed louder of course.

There’s plenty more, and you can watch the whole thing above right now.

Al Franken served in the U.S. Senate from 2009-2018, when he resigned after being accused of inappropriate conduct by several women. Before his Senate career he was a best-selling author and comedian.