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20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Nov. 28 - Dec. 4)

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between.

Somehow married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life. Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December instead of taking all these decorations out

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 1, 2023 ">

Fairly sure most parole boards are more lenient than my wife in deciding who gets our holiday card.

— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) November 28, 2023 ">

My husband and I had a paper towel roll free-throw into the grocery basket competition at the store yesterday – one of the many reasons I know he's the one for me.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) December 1, 2023 ">

My husband is a "let's do it later after a break" person and I'm a "complete the to-do list asap so you can actually relax" person and this is our constant struggle.

— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) November 28, 2023 ">

My husband just started watching a Hallmark Christmas movie and he won't turn it off is there a hotline I can call

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) December 3, 2023 ">

My wife hates when we spend money and I tell her how many McChickens we could have bought instead. She just rolls her eyes and pays our 160 McChicken electric bill.

— 𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 (@MoMohler) November 28, 2023 ">

I'm not saying that my wife orders a lot from Amazon, I'm just saying that our Prime delivery driver has a permanent place setting at our dinner table.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 30, 2023 ">

My husband bought a stud finder and didn’t put it to his chest to see if it works. Someone come take his dad card away.

— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) December 4, 2023 ">

“That’s horrible ! I’m never getting married !”

- My 9yo, after I told her my wife and I no longer surprise each other with gifts, we just tell each other what we want

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) December 4, 2023 ">

Walmart say they accept competitor's coupons, but rejected me when I tried to use one for a 45 min back rub my wife gave me on my birthday

— Joel Jeffrey (@joeljeffrey) December 2, 2023 ">

My husband watching Frasier on mute with subtitles on as to not wake me up while I sleep is true love but also kinda deeply unwell behavior

— Tam Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) November 29, 2023 ">

A lengthy marriage becomes less about being in love and more about keeping your husband from seeing all the Amazon boxes

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) December 4, 2023 ">

Me: She’s got 309k on her but new tires and I baby her. I think I’ll easily get 400k out of it before she dies.

My wife: My wiper blades are old. I need a new car.

— Oaks (@OakHill_) November 30, 2023 ">

I caught my husband teaching our youngest to pronounce her last cute toddler words correctly, so I assume he’s telling me he’s ready for another kid

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 29, 2023 ">

Got my husband a vacuum cleaner for Christmas. I think he's going to be stoked.

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) December 1, 2023 ">

A couple should not marry each other until they set up a Christmas tree together.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) November 28, 2023 ">

8YO: When did I get inside mommy's tummy?

Me: On June 9 2014, I made coffee at 4pm and for the first time in her life mommy saw me put the jar of sugar back in the cabinet, 4:04pm you were inside mommy’s tummy

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 30, 2023 ">

Me: But it's Giving Tuesday.

Wife: Still no.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 28, 2023 ">

Can't, in hot water with the wife for turning her new gravy boat into a eggnog boat.

— The Unknown Misfit (@TheSpotter8) November 29, 2023 ">

How dare my husband steal the cold spots from my side of the bed while I’m in the living room procrastinating sleep.

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) December 4, 2023 ">

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