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10 Quick Questions: how much do you know about the Olympics?

That special time has come around again: Olympic time. Like Christmas but more expensive, even when the quadrennial is sliced up pro rata. Speaking of slicing up, anyone get the feeling that the IOC boss, Thomas Bach, would make a good Bond villain? As Tokyo’s Games are held with a modern pentathlon pistol held to the city’s head, hearing Brisbane’s name announced for 2032 sounded less like congratulations and more like handing down a carceral sentence. An Olympic Games costs the venue billions, but the IOC always sucks out a fat profit. Maybe that’s why the terminology is “host cities”.

But running! Jumping! Competitively pretending that we know a lot about taekwondo or solo kayaking! Ben Johnson going faster than the speed of sound! Or was that the sound of speed! Equestrian showjumping departure parties with all the trimmings! Exciting new young persons’ sports, like climbing and skateboarding! The Olympics are hip, they’re cool, they have a battery-powered boombox on their shoulder.

Let’s see just how well you channel the spirit of the gods of Mount Olympus with your recall of five-rings trivia.

  1. What device was used to light the Barcelona cauldron with airborne fire in 1992?

    1. Slingshot

    2. Bow and arrow

    3. Javelin

    4. Racing pigeon

  2. The commentators also introduced their own mascot: Fatso the Fat-Arsed Wombat.
    The commentators also introduced their own mascot: Fatso the Fat-Arsed Wombat.

    On their Sydney 2000 show The Dream, Roy and H.G. recast the three mascots as Sid, Ollie, and:

    1. Douchebag

    2. Plonker

    3. Wanker

    4. Dickhead

  3. How fast was Ben Johnson’s disqualified world record in the 100 metres final at Seoul 1988?

    1. 9.69 seconds

    2. 9.79 seconds

    3. 9.89 seconds

    4. 9.99 seconds

  4. After gold in 1992 and 1996, The Oarsome Foresome signed on for which fruit-based promotional campaign?

    1. Goulburn Valley Gold - tinned fruit

    2. SPC, Easy as 1, 2, 3 - tinned fruit

    3. Bananas, Make Your Body Sing - the banana lobby

    4. Where’s the Cranny, Granny? - Sunraysia cranberry juice

  5. Gymnastics - Artistic - Olympics: Day 4<br>RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - AUGUST 09:  Simone Biles of the United States competes on the balance beam during the Artistic Gymnastics Women's Team Final on Day 4 of the Rio 2016 Olympic Games at the Rio Olympic Arena on August 9, 2016 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.  (Photo by Lars Baron/Getty Images)
    Gymnastics - Artistic - Olympics: Day 4
    RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - AUGUST 09: Simone Biles of the United States competes on the balance beam during the Artistic Gymnastics Women's Team Final on Day 4 of the Rio 2016 Olympic Games at the Rio Olympic Arena on August 9, 2016 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. (Photo by Lars Baron/Getty Images)

    In the 2016 Rio Olympics, US gymnast Simone Biles won gold in which three disciplines?

    1. Floor, vault, beam

    2. Floor, vault, uneven bars

    3. All-around, floor, beam

    4. All-around, vault, floor

  6. In 1896 at Athens, Australia’s lone representative Edwin Flack collapsed while leading the marathon chasing a third gold medal. When a Greek spectator rendered assistance, a delirious Flack:

    1. Promised him a knighthood

    2. Offered to obtain him citizenship

    3. Punched him to the ground

    4. Tried to seduce his wife

  7. Eric Moussambani of Equatorial Guinea at the 2000 Olympics in Sydney.
    Eric Moussambani of Equatorial Guinea at the 2000 Olympics in Sydney.

    In what Sydney swimming event did Eric ‘The Eel’ Moussambani compete?

    1. 50 metre freestyle

    2. 50 metre butterfly

    3. 100 metre freestyle

    4. 100 metre breaststroke

  8. At Tokyo in 1964, swimmer Dawn Fraser landed in hot water after stealing Emperor Hirohito’s:

    1. Olympic commemorative fountain pen

    2. Olympic commemorative flag

    3. Favourite bathrobe

    4. Heart

  9. Usain Bolt’s 100 metres gold in Beijing 2008 was hampered by what?

    1. A bad night’s sleep.

    2. An untied shoelace.

    3. A mid-race hamstring cramp.

    4. Deep existential angst about the pointlessness of running fast in a straight line for the hollow applause of the masses.

  10. Which of these lines did Bruce Macavaney not say while calling Cathy Freeman’s 400 metres gold in Sydney 2000?

    1. “Away, Freeman out well, a mighty roar surrounds the stadium.”

    2. “Mary’s having a good run. This is where Cathy exploded in Atlanta.”

    3. “Cathy lifting. Goes up to Graham. Takes the lead. Looks a winner.”

    4. “This is a famous victory. A magnificent performance. A champion becomes a legend.”

Solutions

1:B - Points for drama, as Antonio Rebollo nailed a 70-metre shot over the cauldron using an arrow burning with Olympic flame., 2:D - Sydney had three forgettable mascots with forgettable names for reasons no one can remember. Was one a platypus? Was one an octopus? Roy and H.G. produced the only detail that anyone does recall., 3:B - “The Dirtiest Race in History” had more juice than a Sydney health cleanse: six of eight finalists had careers involving positive drug tests. Only Johnson got done for this race, though, after a time that blew away the old record of 9.93., 4:A - Any foursome can get sticky, which this quartet did with peaches and apricots, pineapple, pears and orange and passionfruit, in annoyingly tiny plastic tubs. Their musical mime spawned a series of cornball ads., 5:D - Four medals in Rio, one of which was bronze after a stuttler on the beam. Simone Biles bossed the rest, including her astonishing 15.933 on the floor. , 6:C - Beware Greeks bearing gifts? Flack won the 1800 and 1500, and less successfully contested the tennis, but here tried to mix in some amateur boxing., 7:C - Having never used a 50-metre pool, it made sense that the nascent icon from Equatorial Guinea chose freestyle. It made less sense that he didn’t choose the shortest event. His tumble turn lives forever., 8:B - Which youthful rascal has not stolen something impractical while drunk, then been injured fleeing Japanese police into an Imperial moat? The police laughed it off but Australian swimming authorities did not., 9:B - Bolt’s shoe came untied, after a bad start, and he slowed up to celebrate before crossing the finish line. He still ran 9.69 for a new world record., 10:D - Psych! That last sentence was Greg Miles after Makybe Diva’s third Melbourne Cup. Bruce went with, “This is a famous victory. A magnificent performance. What a legend. What a champion.”

Scores

  1. 10 and above.

    Congratulations. You’re so good at the Olympics that you’ve been selected to travel to Tokyo immediately to fill Australia’s vacancy in the equestrian showjumping team. Party responsibly!

  2. 9 and above.

    Congratulations. You’re so good at the Olympics that you’ve been selected to travel to Tokyo immediately to fill Australia’s vacancy in the equestrian showjumping team. Party responsibly!

  3. 8 and above.

    Very good. On the rare occasion that this subject rolls around at trivia night, you will light up the round and wow your team. Try to pull your weight on Guess the Song in the meantime.

  4. 7 and above.

    Very good. On the rare occasion that this subject rolls around at trivia night, you will light up the round and wow your team. Try to pull your weight on Guess the Song in the meantime.

  5. 6 and above.

    Not bad. You’ve watched a few hours of Olympic Games over the years, probably because you lost the remote and couldn’t be bothered with the rhythmic gymnastics required to extricate it from down the back of the couch.

  6. 5 and above.

    Not bad. You’ve watched a few hours of Olympic Games over the years, probably because you lost the remote and couldn’t be bothered with the rhythmic gymnastics required to extricate it from down the back of the couch.

  7. 4 and above.

    Not bad. You’ve watched a few hours of Olympic Games over the years, probably because you lost the remote and couldn’t be bothered with the rhythmic gymnastics required to extricate it from down the back of the couch.

  8. 3 and above.

    Uh oh. No bluffing here. You’ll have to come up with other ways to make meaningless small talk with distant colleagues and acquaintances.

  9. 2 and above.

    Uh oh. No bluffing here. You’ll have to come up with other ways to make meaningless small talk with distant colleagues and acquaintances.

  10. 1 and above.

    Uh oh. No bluffing here. You’ll have to come up with other ways to make meaningless small talk with distant colleagues and acquaintances.

  11. 0 and above.

    Uh oh. No bluffing here. You’ll have to come up with other ways to make meaningless small talk with distant colleagues and acquaintances.