10 Quick Questions: glued to Australia’s Covid-19 press conferences? Prove it

·7 min read

Australians the country over have adopted a dark and destructive pastime. It may be vital to our very survival, but overindulge and you will find yourself a nervous wreck, rocking back and forth, or – even worse – falling in love with a chief health officer.

I am of course talking about the daily spectacle of the Covid-19 press conference.

We sit eyes glued to the TV as Daniel Andrews steps up for his 100th day in a row. We diligently set our alarms for 10.58am each day to hear the numbers from Gladys Berejiklian. And we get a bit nervous when we hear Mark McGowan is speaking, because it means there’s probably another Covid-infected cargo ship in our waters, or something like that.

But as those cursed with Covid-19 presser obsession know, these events have also produced some of the funniest and most bizarre moments on Australian TV. So let’s find out just how much you have really been paying attention.

  1. Last year, the Northern Territory's chief minister, Michael Gunner, promised that Territorians could still get [BLANK] on cracker night. Fill in the blank?

    1. Covid-19 tested

    2. Laid

    3. Vaccinated

    4. Maggoted

  2. True or false: when Melbourne’s second wave cases finally dropped to zero, the premier, Daniel Andrews, promised he would be “getting on the beers” that night.

    1. True

    2. False

  3. What blockbuster film did the NSW health minister compare Australia's vaccine rollout to?

    1. The Hunger Games

    2. Fast and Furious

    3. Contagion

    4. Indiana Jones

  4. At a 2020 press conference, the WA premier, Mark McGowan, was incapacitated with laughter while considering which scenario?

    1. Sharing a chicken burger at a picnic

    2. Grabbing a kebab on a run

    3. Bringing a halal snack pack into a nursing home

    4. Eating minimum chips and a piece of flake with an intimate partner

  5. Which premier was made into a meme after refusing to respond to a Sunrise reporter’s question and stating, “Well, I’m not going to answer people being rude”?

    1. Gladys Berejiklian

    2. Daniel Andrews

    3. Annastacia Palaszczuk

    4. Steven Marshall

  6. Which senior federal politician was royally mocked for failing to demonstrate how to wear a face mask, accidentally covering his eyes, blindfold-style, before getting it right?

    1. Michael McCormack

    2. Greg Hunt

    3. Scott Morrison

    4. Josh Frydenberg

  7. Which chief health officer had their face turned into a bedspread last year?

    1. South Australia’s Prof Nicola Spurrier

    2. NSW’s Dr Kerry Chant

    3. Queensland’s Dr Jeannette Young

    4. Victoria’s Prof Brett Sutton

  8. During the early days of the pandemic, the internet was set alight when the prime minister, Scott Morrison, reprimanded a press gallery reporter: “[BLANK], you don’t run the press conference.” Fill in the blank?

    1. Katharine

    2. Andrew

    3. Rachel

    4. Chris

  9. South Australia's chief public health officer, Prof Nicola Spurrier, made a strange and repeated plea to AFL fans, which was then turned into a meme. What was it?

    1. “Duck and do not touch that ball” if it comes flying at you.

    2. “Don’t kiss the players” if you see them afterwards at a bar.

    3. “Don’t be too mean” to the visiting Collingwood team.

    4. “Don’t kiss a stranger” if kiss cam lands on you.

  10. The NSW chief health officer, Dr Kerry Chant, urged people not to be distracted by something while reading out information about “a very serious topic”. What happened?

    1. She fell on the way to the podium, tripping over her shoelaces.

    2. She farted loud enough to be heard by the TV broadcasts.

    3. Her glasses broke but she still wore them crooked on her face.

    4. Her phone rang multiple times, with the ringtone Boom Boom Pow by Black Eyed Peas.

Solutions

1:D - Gunner was devastated to cancel Territory Day, or “cracker night” – but, when asked if people could “still get maggoted on July 1”, he could not help crack a smile. His replied that Territorians could drink as much as they chose at home but wouldn’t be able to “light up the sky” with firecrackers until 2021. , 2:B - Correct. Instead of promising to crack open a cold one this time, Andrews said he “might go a little higher up the shelf"., 3:A - Brad Hazzard raised eyebrows in June when he said it was “effectively the Hunger Games going on here”, referencing how desperate Australian states were to get their hands on Pfizer vaccines. , 4:B - When presented with this fictional scenario by a reporter, McGowan could barely get the sentence out: yes, you are allowed to grab a kebab on your daily run – as long as you aren’t meeting up with a group of people. , 5:C - When Bianca Stone dubbed the premier's previous press conference "a publicity stunt", Palaszczuk snapped back: "Well, I’m not going to answer people being rude – so, anyone else have a question? You are being very rude.", 6:B - Yep, it was our very own health minister who was blinded by the effectiveness of face masks at combating Covid-19. , 7:D - It was Sutton who captured the attention of Victoria’s locked down and lonely. He was dubbed “the silver fox” online, with an illustration of his face by the Melbourne artist Ashley Ellis transformed into bedspreads, cups, face masks and pillows. , 8:B - It seems the ABC’s political editor, Andrew Probyn, does not, in fact, run the press conference. Instead Morrison threw to Guardian Australia’s Katharine Murphy, who “hasn’t had a question”. This moment was immortalised in song by the TikTok comedian Gabbi Bolt. , 9:A - Spurrier became an internet phenomenon after repeatedly urging spectators to UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE TOUCH THE FOOTY if it came flying at their heads, fearing Covid-19 could spread among the crowd if any of the sweaty players were unknowingly infected. , 10:C - Chant wouldn’t let anything stop her reading out the state's daily Covid-19 hospital numbers – not even one arm of her glasses snapping off in her pocket. She forged ahead, eyewear aggressively askew, and won the hearts of an equally dishevelled nation.

Scores

  1. 10 and above.

    Ummmmm. Are you okay? No seriously, you got way too many of these right. It’s okay to turn off ABC News 24 every so often. Go look at the clouds. Call your mum. Lay off the coffee. Okay?

  2. 9 and above.

    Ummmmm. Are you okay? No seriously, you got way too many of these right. It’s okay to turn off ABC News 24 every so often. Go look at the clouds. Call your mum. Lay off the coffee. Okay?

  3. 8 and above.

    Wozzahs! You are definitely the designated “Covid-19” friend who everyone in the group chat goes to when they need to know if it’s legal to adopt a dog during lockdown. You are allowed to tell them to just Google it, by the way.

  4. 7 and above.

    Wozzahs! You are definitely the designated “Covid-19” friend who everyone in the group chat goes to when they need to know if it’s legal to adopt a dog during lockdown. You are allowed to tell them to just Google it, by the way.

  5. 6 and above.

    Not amazing. You should maybe go get a Covid test. I’m not saying you have the virus but I certainly don’t trust that you know what the symptoms are.

  6. 5 and above.

    Not amazing. You should maybe go get a Covid test. I’m not saying you have the virus but I certainly don’t trust that you know what the symptoms are.

  7. 4 and above.

    Not amazing. You should maybe go get a Covid test. I’m not saying you have the virus but I certainly don’t trust that you know what the symptoms are.

  8. 3 and above.

    Yikes. Do you even know what Covid-19 even is? You’ve watched so few press conferences that your mental health is probably still in tact!

  9. 2 and above.

    Yikes. Do you even know what Covid-19 even is? You’ve watched so few press conferences that your mental health is probably still in tact!

  10. 0 and above.

    Yikes. Do you even know what Covid-19 even is? You’ve watched so few press conferences that your mental health is probably still in tact!

  11. 1 and above.

    Yikes. Do you even know what Covid-19 even is? You’ve watched so few press conferences that your mental health is probably still in tact!

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