Thu May 29, 7:57 AM ET

Special Edition: We've got a Thursday Blind Vice for ya today—in addition to tomorrow's drug-addled mystery nonsense—and you'll never guess who's being propositioned to be one of Furrowed Frank's latest boy-toys! Plus, which famous Oscar winner's out without the missus, and is Britney Spears heading back to college? As I said earlier in the week, to make up for my having the nerve to take a honeymoon and leave you mouth-watering detectives without a Blind Vice for two friggin' weeks, today, Thursday, we'll have an extra-special B.V., on top of Friday's regular mystery mayhem—and no, I'm not just talkin' yet more Lance Armstrong and Matty McConaughey shenanigans. This Blind baby just happens to be personal. But true to friggin' masochistic form, I'm going to make ya wait until the end of the damn column. Meanwhile, let's get a tad loftier, shall we? Sir Paul McCa! rtney received an honorary doctora te in music from Yale this week, carrying on the proud tradition of celebrities receiving things without really earning them. It's like a swag bag filled with free diplomas. Sure, Paulie's obvs a talented musician, not to mention a Beatle for cryin' out loud, but he didn't have to brave the cold Connecticut winters while walking to class or plunk down hundreds of thousands of bucks on tuition. So a true Yalie, he is not, sorry. We'd like to give some of our own honorary degrees from Awful Truth University—it ain't Ivy League, but you'll be more worldly-minded and better informed than you would if you went to UCLA on a football scholarship, trust. Britney Spears Ph.D. in Parental Rebellion: She certainly knows both sides of that coin. Minor: Latte Management and Starbucks Training Program. if she cleans up her act, she could be a manager one day. Madonna Master of Arts, Body Working: No one in th! e Biz is better at honing the craf t of "ageless wonder." Looking at her quasi-fresh face and boxer's bod, you'd never guess Madge was pushin' the big 5-0. Minor: Matrimonial Manipulation. As somebody who's quite good at, shall we say, spinning the truth—par-tick when it comes to her marriage—she's the best in the BS biz. Oprah Master of Science, Master of the Universe: Is there anything the behemoth O can't do? With her paws in almost every humanitarian and entertainment aspect alike, say what you want, but Oprah will forever reign supreme as talk-host queen. Sorry, Ellen. Minor: Kicking Ass. She may be down, popularity-wise, but she's never out. Plus, can anyone with that much money really be suffering? Teri Hatcher Bachelor's in Archaeology: Since Hatch-babe and her feeble frame can teach a master class on bone collecting. Minor: Occupational Hazards. Ahem, anyone remember Ter-hon's Amer! ican Idol catastrophic cover of &# 34;Before He Cheats"? We were terrified she was going to kill all 30 million viewers softly with that song. Angelina Jolie MBA in World Domination: No manor, child or man is safe when Angie sets her sights on claiming it as her own. This voracious vixen is plunking down millions to lease her own French villa—so much for giving it all up to charity. Minor: Theater Arts. We forget this gal acts between all the man-wrangling, adoptions and U.N. appearances. Shia LaBeouf Master of Science, Seduction: This all-testosterone, twice legally slapped hubris-heavy stud was able to duplicate himself as the new Colin Farrell, since the old one is slowly disappearing before our jaded/bored eyes. (Seriously, dude, eat something, Method acting be damned.) Minor: Cosmetology, which will hopefully fix his lifelong bad-hair day. Luke Wilson, imbibing the night away at Noche bar in Philly. Luke-babe's in the City of ! Brotherly Love (sans sibling Owen) filming a new flick called Tenure at a nearby university. L.W.'s schlumpy ensemble—complete with a new spikey, short cut that didn't do his oddly shaped head any favors—made it look like he'd dressed himself in the dark. He partied with a posse of dudes, two girlfriend-types tagging along. One of the ladies in tow clung to Wil-hon's arm all night, surprisingly, since the female in question wasn't exactly the sort to nab a celeb. Think a regular at a Poison concert circa 1988...not the glam 'n' glossy types Lukie's dated before. Maybe L-hon's bro should take a break from the blond babes for a while himself, doncha think? Entertaining himself elsewhere was... Tom Hanks, checking out Indiana Jones—have you heard of it?—at L.A.'s Century City AMC 15, Memorial Day weekend. The classy gent kept it casual in a baseball cap, sunglasses, jeans and a simple sweatshirt on the breezy Hell-Ay day. No Rita Wilson or! any of his kids in sight—gu ess even Tommy H. needs a break from being a dad, a husband and an Oscar-winning actor, times two. Double-O winner Kevin Spacey? He chills by walking through cruisey English parks and getting mugged. Tom opts for more traditional downtime. Think Mr. H was a fan of the yawn-inducing flick? Or did he enjoy it 'cause of his friendship with pal Steven Spielberg? Strutting her stuff on a diff runway was... Kara Janx, spotted en route from New Yawk to Athens with her b-f and baby in tow. K.J. sported quite an odd 'do with braids crossing the top of her head, not a delicious-hair day, indeed. As for her flight apparel, Kar-babe opted for a long, brown Maude-ish tunic for relaxing while airborne—clearly dressing more for comfort than for couture. A fan approached the fourth-place Project Runway fashionista, and K dished on her "Kara" pride, wishing it would have been a "Kara and Kara" finale for seasons one and two, not hiding her hopes that Ka! ra Saun had been a runway winner. Ya know, a little modesty is always in style, Janxy-kins, you should try it on for size. What's a goss columnist to do when he's propositioned—by a somewhat discreet third party, mind you—to go have sex with one of his past Blind Vice subjects? Particularly if said gosser's recently married? Ah, the trials and tribulations one must endure just to report on our beloved Furrowed Frank, closeted-homo TV star.

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